Pondering in His Presence

Misplaced Satisfaction

2012-01-03T09:07:00.004-05:00

"...Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C. S. Lewis

We are far too easily pleased. Does that sentence awake your senses? With Christmas just past, many gifts were received and appreciated. We might have heard or spoken words that declared our enjoyment. I think it's lovely to find pleasure in the thoughtfulness and love of others expressed in tangible ways, but we need to be cautious that the gifts don't take precedence over the Giver.

Where do we find satisfaction and contentment? Is it in the "mud pies"? There is so much more. The concept of satisfaction is often me-centered. It's core inwardly directed at self-interest. It's all about me and the fulfillment of my need or want.

I long to be fully satisfied in the Lord. Not with crumbs under the table, but feasting on His Word and meditating on Scripture, so that my delight may be found in Him alone.

Dear Father, I confess to You the many times that my heart has been content with lesser things. I repent of the times I have sought enjoyment through other means. They are not wrong in themselves, but when my focus is fixed on the delight they bring, I have lost my passion in pursuing you. I have become side-tracked, and like a little bird splashing in puddles I am missing the refreshing expanse the ocean of Your presence provides. Lord, I lay at Your feet today all that I strive so hard to hold on to, and I reach out for You. With hands empty, fill me with Yourself.

An Open Door

2012-01-02T07:40:00.004-05:00

"...a great door for effective work has opened to me..." 1 Corinthians 16:9

Closing the back cover of Marybeth Whalen's book, "She Makes It Look Easy", tears filled my eyes. Although only a fiction story, it held much truth. I had identified with several of the characters and longed for similar desires of friendship to be fulfilled.

Earlier in the story, Marybeth described a gate between the properties of two neighbours. Her writing posed a question I am still pondering. Do I view a gate as positive or negative? Do I see it as access or exclusion? As possibility or prevention? Permission or prohibition? Being received, or being rejected?

This morning I have read that a great door for effective work has opened to me. God is calling me to ministry. At the moment, the door may be open, but I have no idea where it is leading. I have a choice to continue peering through, or begin passing through. I am unaware what's on the other side, however the Lord is opening an opportunity.

Dear Lord, it's exciting for me to think that You have a new adventure for me to begin this year. As I reflect back over 2011, countless doors seemed to close...with force! So many plans were denied. I lived months being fenced in physically, unable to take part in activities due to health restraints. This morning an open door is ushering in freedom. Lord, You are saying that the time has come to return to living. You have strengthened my body, birthed new life in my soul and a vast world of possibility lies before me. Unlike Mary in the "Secret Garden", it is not I who unlocked this gate. You have opened it for me. May any fear be conquered with courage. Lord, keep me from hesitating too long at the entrance. As Charles Stanley has said, "Standing before an open door never resulted in a single changed life".

As my hand touches wrought-iron, my heart fills with hopeful anticipation.

"Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this." 2 Timothy 2:7

In Step With My Savior

2012-01-01T06:43:00.005-05:00

Joy, "walked with God". (Genesis 6:9)

Having medication prescribed recently after being diagnosed with both high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I am serious about returning to an intentional exercise program. For years I was faithful to a walking regimen, but over the past twelve months I have fallen away. Surgery, cancer and chemotherapy interrupted my life. Although I tried to walk as often as I could, the pace and practice of this daily routine suffered. Not only have I been physically weak, but my resolve waned. Motivation and muscle strength disappeared.

With a New Year before me I am determined to reclaim my health. I enjoy a power walk, but look forward to it even more if accompanied by a friend. Unfortunately with everyone's commitments to work, family, and life, I've yet to find a daily walking buddy. It would be so wonderful to find someone who had the same dedication and desire, as well as time available. I have a couple of friends who each can sometimes accompany me one day a week, but I need accountability and consistency. I've been praying for the Lord to supply a walking friend.

This morning I was reminded of a Friend who longs to walk every twenty-four hours of each day with me. He wants to talk to me along the pathway of life. He wants to listen to my heart. He longs to lead me down meadow lined trails of delight, across bridges of opportunity, over pavement cracks of disappointment and doubt, around fields of fear, through forests of unknown and beside quiet streams of stillness and rest.

Regardless if anyone joins my daily meanderings, I have a Companion for the year's journey. I do not walk alone. The Lord Himself walks with me down pathways in His presence.

Lacing up my running shoes. I have a walking date with God.

Dear Lord, as I walk into this New Year, enable me to be faithful. Guide my steps in righteousness and keep my feet from following evil. Help me pursue peace, flee temptation and run the race You have chosen for me. Do not allow me to stray if wider, open paths appear easier. When I want to stop and sit on a bench of complacency, unsettle my heart and cause it to beat again with a rhythm of renewed passion and desire. Help me not to make excuses on rainy days of disappointment or cold days of despair. Give me courage to climb each mountain, patience in every valley and strength for the rugged terrain. Keep my feet from slipping and my eyes open to the needs of others travelling this journey. Thank You for being my drink of cold water, quenching my thirst, and the daily manna to my hungry soul. If distractions threaten to lure me away, let me hear and heed the prompting of Your Spirit. May I never turn away, around or race ahead, but purposefully place each step in the imprint You leave before me because Your footsteps are always safe to follow. May I remain all year in step with my Savior.

"Letting Go of Perfect"

2011-11-18T11:11:00.008-05:00

I’ll admit it. My name is Joy and I’m a perfectionist. At a young age I was taught that there is a place for everything, and everything should be in its place. I haven’t reached ranks with those suffering from a compulsive disorder, but I’m the one dotting every “i” and crossing every “t” in their perfect little notebooks. Growing up in a home where everything was always in order, mostly due to my mother’s 3am rising to wash the floors and dust before the day began, I foolishly believed every good wife and mother would do the same.

Not long ago I found a “Housekeeping Schedule” I had prepared as a young bride. As I saw the tasks recorded and the weekly, monthly and seasonal agenda I had created, I began to laugh. Dust the baseboards. Empty the refrigerator. Wash the floors. Polish the silver. Shine the chandeliers. The last two make me smile. I thought I would actually have silver to polish and chandeliers to shine. The list is long and each task is assigned a specific day of the week, or month of the year. I had ingeniously designed the chart as a perpetual schedule that could be used every year for the rest of my cleaning life. Where did I find this “perfect” plan I had meticulously crafted? It was buried in that junk drawer housed in every home.

As Christmas nears, I’ve been reading “Untangling Christmas” by LeAnn Rice and Karen Ehman. Early in the book, LeAnn shares a story entitled, “Letting Go of Perfect”. It’s a story of exploding lasagne and a Christmas memory. Funny, it’s not the perfect tree, or the perfect meal, or the perfectly wrapped gifts that were described, but the bursting of a pan on a burner and tomato sauce with noodles decorating the kitchen.

This year, I need to let go of perfect. With my husband’s soon to be scheduled surgery, and myself still recovering from chemotherapy following a hospital stay, I need to release some ‘have to’s’. They aren’t really necessities, they are niceties. I need to surrender them.

What will this mean? The tree may not go up this year. The decorations may be sparse. I have to relinquish control of hosting Christmas dinner for my family, something I have done every year since getting married 23 years ago. The Christmas cards and yearly letter will most likely not be written. The gifts may not be as many or the wrapping as exquisite. The baking might not be completed. Actually, that last one I released years ago. I let others prepare the Christmas goodies. It's actually safer and tastier that way.

What will remain? Christ. Jesus will remain. At the heart and center of our celebration much will still be the same. I will rise long before the sun Christmas morning. I will most likely pop some Pillsbury Dough “Grands” into the oven. I will turn the coffee pot on. I will make enough noise to rouse those as excited as I, but not too much to awaken the sleepyheads. By dim light we will gather in the silence after everyone appears, and my husband will read the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke. In the quiet of our home with the fireplace burning, wearing bed pants and bed heads, we will join together in singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. We will open gifts and unwrap love. There will be chocolate. There will be laughter. There will be hugs.

We might not inspire a Thomas Kincade painting, nor be remembered as a Normal Rockwell portrait, but we will be together under one roof with family and friends we hold dear.

I guess in many ways, nothing will change.

Letting go of perfect, lets me embrace the Perfect One whose birthday we celebrate.

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given…” Isaiah 9:6

(I did provide links to "Untangling Christmas" as well as to both LeAnn and Karen's blogs, but for some reason they did not appear highlighted. If you place your cursor over their names, you will be able to click to their links.)

Overwhelmed

2011-09-12T21:16:00.010-04:00

"Oh God, Oh God, I’m, I’m overwhelmed."

If you’ve ever watched the movie, “Facing the Giants”, the quote above should sound familiar. As I sat with tears running down my face Saturday night, those words echoed in my heart. Oh God, Oh God, I’m, I’m overwhelmed.

This past weekend has been one of countless blessings. I hardly know where to begin.

A couple of weeks ago I had received a complimentary ticket to attend the Beth Moore simulcast. As the day approached, I doubted my ability to be there. Just forty-eight hours prior to the event I was still deeply feeling the effects of my last chemo treatment, and surrendered to the very real possibility that I might not be able to go. Thankfully Friday I felt physically stronger and the hope of the conference returned.

Saturday morning I awoke excited and prepared for all the Lord had in store for me. The host church had made accommodations to help protect me from the crowd gathering and I truly felt the Lord’s blessing on the day. I even had a chair strategically placed and reserved for me. I felt very humbled by the kindness extended.

Entering the sanctuary, I immediately noticed that some renovations had taken place since my last visit. No one else may have appreciated the colour scheme, but the chairs were a shade of teal; the binds, and the curtains framing the platform were also teal. Teal is the colour that represents ovarian cancer. These details did not escape me.

As Travis Cottrell moved our hearts to worship, tears began to flow. It has been so long since I have been seated with 450 ladies praising the Lord together. Secluded in my house for a good portion of the past four months, the gift of corporate worship was being unwrapped and cherished. Joining my voice with precious sisters in Christ and praising the Lord together stirred my emotions. Oh Father, thank You for all You are doing. My life is my worship to You.

Beth’s teaching was straight from the heart of God. I love how she opens Scripture and encourages application of His Word. My notes are many…but they are so much more than letters scribbled on a page…they are life to me. I breathed Him in, and exhaled His peace. The Lord even used Beth’s wardrobe to say, “Joy, I love you”. Guess what colour Beth was wearing? Teal. It was a fabulous day of listening to the whispers of God and knowing that the Lord of the universe saw and cared for me.

Around 8:30pm that evening, while sitting visiting the sweet memories of the day, a knock came to my door. Not just any knock. It was the “family” knock. The secret code that convinces me to open the door, even if sporting my pyjamas. It was my sister and her son, and she said she had a surprise for me.

Seated on the couch, she handed me a notebook with a hand-made cover that read, “Ovarian Cancer Canada, Walk of Hope.” I opened it up to find a list of what looked like about 30 names. Confused, I looked to my sister for explanation.

Yesterday, September 11, was the 10th Annual “Walk of Hope” for ovarian cancer research. I had talked about it for over a month, but feared I would not have the strength or stamina to take part. I had just felt led that day, that if I awoke feeling able, I would participate in this opportunity.

As I began turning the pages in this book, tears began to flow. Unknown to me, my sister had sent out a dozen emails to a few friends asking if they would be willing to donate any amount in my name to help fight the battle against this number one women’s cancer killer. She longed for my heart to be encouraged with a pledge form and a few names. As He did with the loaves and fishes, God multiplied her request.

Reading the names, and the individual stories behind each submission, I came to names I didn’t recognize and assumed they were my sister’s friends. This is where the story gives me goose bumps. My sister didn’t know these folks either. Over the ten days or so as my sister collected funds, complete strangers sent her cards in the mail…or came to her door…dropping off significant amounts to be added to the collection. One such example was a lady who blocked her driveway one day as my sister was returning her son to school after lunch, and simply said she would recognize my sister as being related to me from my picture on my blog. She handed my sister a sizeable donation and drove away. Neither of us is certain of her identity. Another lady sent a card with a generous amount, explaining she did not know me, but had heard about this “surprise” and wanted to be involved. She also promised her prayers.

My heart can hardly hold the love that has been showered on me. The tears flowed unbridled as my sister presented me with a cheque to donate to Ovarian Cancer Canada in the amount of $2320.00. The Lord took my sister’s obedience to send out 12 emails, and He multiplied the response. People are still responding and the amounts are being forwarded to the organization.

As I came to the last page in the book, it was decorated with sunflowers (the ovarian cancer flower) and pre-cut note cards. Remember I told you that I had attended the Beth Moore simulcast that day? My sister had won a door prize. Included in the gift were note cards with sunflowers that said, “God’s love is expressed in every act of kindness.” God’s blessing and benediction on my sister’s efforts. Not only that, but she received the entire teaching series of Beth Moore’s “The Patriarch’s”. God, who sees in secret, rewards openly. So thankful for the way He blessed my sister for the blessing she is to me.

I did attend the walk with a special friend and her daughter. God provided in so many ways and we saw His Hand over and over again. Over 2.6 million dollars was raised in the fight against ovarian cancer.

This morning in my daily reading I came across this verse: “Please let us walk with you, for we have heard that God is with you.” Zechariah 8:23 Isn’t that beautiful? Can you imagine that request being asked of you? Nothing could delight my heart more or humble me deeper…someone has heard of my faith in the Lord and desires to walk with me. That is the true and eternal “Walk of Hope”. Is your walk inviting such a request today? Let’s live so that others will desire to spend time as our companions on this journey, not because of anything we have done, but because of Christ in us.

Defining a Decade

2011-08-05T09:07:00.003-04:00

My friend Marybeth Whalen has been encouraging readers of her blog to cast vision over the next ten years. She has been challenging me to define my next decade. How do I want to be seen in the next ten years? What do I want to be known for? What kind of personality do I want? What do I envision my family looking like in ten more years?

In order to project my thoughts I found I also had to reflect over the last ten years and I’ll tell you why. Pretty much all that has happened, good and not so good over the last ten years, I never would have imagined. Here are just a few of those unexpected realizations:

• Leaving our dream home and moving to a new city
• Changing churches
• My son attending a Christian University
• My son having a precious Christian girlfriend (Oh, I imagined the Christian girlfriend, just not yet. I was praying he’d at least be in his 20’s before he started dating...LOL)
• Flying to North Carolina on my own
• Driving to Virginia on my own
• Finding my best friend unexpectedly by Walking Thru the Bible on-line
• My dad spending 9 months in the hospital
• Caring for aging parents becoming a weekly part of my life
• Being employed at a Christian Bookstore – that had been my dream job and the offer came unexpectedly
• Placing third in a writing competition with entrants from all across Canada
• Having surgery to remove a cancerous mass
• Losing my hair to chemotherapy
• Becoming friends with a dog…hahaha…I’ve always been terrified of dogs
• Speaking at Ladies Events
• Actually getting to volunteer at the Proverbs31 Office
• Attending the She Speaks conference three times
• My mother-in-law and dear friend passing away suddenly with cancer
• Taking violin lessons for a year
• Writing 365 daily devotions
• Making so many American and On-line friends
• Starting three blogs
• Decorating a guest room in our home for my BFF
• Travelling to Florida with my family several times

Those are just some of the “never imagined” occurrences. So…here’s the thing…for me to try and surmise anything over the next ten years…I don’t dream big enough. So much of what God has planned for me surpasses anything that I could desire. Even the gifts that have come wrapped in “brown paper”, the not so pretty packages that I’ve been given; they have been used to strengthen my faith and develop my character.

Often I have heard Proverbs 29:18 quoted as a basis for intentional living, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”. Vision here is not referring to vision statements or setting goals. Vision here is about hearing from God; a revelation from Him. Without guidance from the Lord there is chaos and no moral or ethical control. The NIV says it clearer: “Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.”

My goal in all areas over the next ten years is to daily be in God’s Word and wait on Him and listen to His voice.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Front Porch Courage

2011-07-07T21:50:00.006-04:00

Awkwardly I unlocked the back patio sliding doors while balancing my Bible, pen, iPod and computer. I refused to make two trips. My husband always lectures me for loading up so precariously, but I was determined I could carry all my belongings outside without the need of walking those few feet twice. It’s not being lazy, it’s being creative.

I managed the manoeuvre without incident, settled myself in the “anti-gravity” chair and took a deep breath. It felt good just to sit outside. Two months ago today I was in the hospital recuperating from surgery that removed a mass diagnosed as ovarian cancer. Having just completed my second round of chemotherapy, it was a gift to be feeling well enough to adventure outdoors. I had been anxious to step outside the safety of my walls. The loss of my hair had been sudden and saddening. Only cosmetic, yet my bandanas now universally proclaimed to the world that I was a cancer survivor. Although their declaration was one of success, they spoke a new insecurity to my heart. My home and my backyard became my protection…or were they more my voluntary prison? I was under house arrest and personal solitary confinement.

Opening my Bible I began to read today’s passage. I couldn’t focus. Two things were interrupting me; the buzzing of the bees in the wild flowers near the patio, and the heat of the sun that refused to offer just a gentle warming. I shifted my position. I readjusted my chair. Still I had lost my concentration. Frustrated I decided to move back inside. I felt defeated and annoyed. Why couldn’t I just enjoy a simple pleasure like a few minutes in the fresh air savouring God’s creation?

“Sweet Joy, you still can.”

No I can’t. The sun is too hot. The buzzing insects interrupting.

“You have another choice My daughter.”

No I don’t and please don’t ask me.

“You have a beautiful, shaded front porch with two chairs. One for you, and one for Me.”

Oh Lord, I can’t. It’s too hot out and I don’t want to have to stop and bother to take time to put on my wig.

“You don’t have to wear your wig. You are beautiful and I will be your covering.”

Oh yes I do. If I sit out the front wearing my bandana everyone will know I have cancer.

“My precious daughter, I don’t believe even you have made that full acknowledgement yet.”

I’m frightened Lord. I’m frightened of the stares. I’ve been on the other side. I’ve been the one who has glanced and looked away, afraid of the disease and uncertain as to what to say. Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning...realize you're living the nightmare...and start the day in fear and tears? Do you know what it's like to walk into any room...even in the privacy of your own home...with your head down...so afraid to make eye-contact with a mirror and see your reflection? Do you know what it's like to look down at your laptop, your t-shirt, the pages of your Bible and have to constantly brush off falling hair? Do you know what it's like to feel your own body is a walking time-bomb? Do you know what it's like to feel sadness so deep that its cuts and scars will forever remain? Do you know what it's like living as a prisoner to a disease? How do I get past the need to understand and continue living?

“Child, you take My hand and together we open your front door and step outside. Will you trust Me? There is a world out there that still needs the gifts and talents I have planted inside you. Together you can move from backyard cowardice to front porch courage.”

Backyard cowardice or front porch courage. Which was I going to choose?

My name is Joy Brown, and I have ovarian cancer.

Yes...that IS my front porch.

A quick update! When we obey the Lord, He is quick to infuse us with more and more of what we need. After posting this blog, God moved me from "Front Porch Courage" to "Convertible Courage". Check out the Driving Diva who was cruisin' around town last night WITH the top down. :)

Story in Six Words

2011-04-03T21:56:00.002-04:00

She Reads is offering an opportunity to win a scholarship to attend the She Speaks Conference. All you have to do is write a story in six words. Here's mine:

Pink didn't use to frighten me

Being a word girl, I couldn't stop at just one, so for fun, but not entry, here are some of the others I wrote that tell tales yet to be written. Enjoy.

Wearing pink, looking brave, hiding fear.
Sins many, forgiven much, becoming more.
Waiting for the phone to ring.
Thought I was invincible; hospital called.
Silence speaks; tears scream; cancer calls.
Cancer called; I refused to answer.
Didn't really want to do it.
It was only a routine mammogram.
Words are written. Life is lived.
My life isn't a rough draft.
Awaiting phone call. Please be benign.
I let go; He held on.
I have forgotten how to sleep.
Cancer center called. Can't catch me.
Ollie-Ollie-Oxen-Free; Still hiding.
Rejoicing with her. Asking why me?
Need more hands to count blessings.
Leaking life through a cracked pot.
Once I started I couldn't quit.
Finally found me; worth the search.
I should not have hit "Send".
Tears real. Everything else mostly fake.
Water only washes off surface dirt.
Life is not a cameo appearance.
Pink was once my favorite color.
Surgeon called. Pink scares me now.
Walls fell. I am still standing.
Cup overflowing; drinking from my saucer.
Could not stop with just one.
Life's worth more than six words.
Life anchor being tested by hurricane.
Voluntarily behind bars. Prisoner of hope.
Doctors offered no hope. Still breathing.
Aging parents. Now I'm the mom.
Afraid to write life in ink.
Living the dash between the years.
My life changed with one call.
Should have let the phone ring.
Nail scarred hands brought my liberty.
Offering broken life to Him; Priceless.
Bowing down before Him. Standing redeemed.
Ruined: without reason, but not results.
Need Writers Anonymous; addicted to words.

Lost

2011-03-31T08:37:00.004-04:00

“I am like a little child who doesn’t know (her) way around.” 1 Kings 3:7b

Today I am breathing in uncertainty and exhaling indecision.

The time separating lost and found seems like an eternity.

Lost.

A frightening word and a familiar feeling.

Lost in a crowd of pain. Health challenges threaten to block my view of a hope and a future. Like Zacchaeus, I'm looking for a tree to climb.

Lord, right now I am that little child. Unexpected winds have blown me off course. Surrounded by unknown, I am directionless and disoriented. I can’t find my bearings. Questions fill my days and haunt hours of restlessness. Caught in a cycle of unending circumstances, I’m wandering aimlessly.

My life is defined right now by instability. The wind is blowing. It's not a gentle wind that lifts wisps of hair and caresses my face. It's a billow desiring to force me off my feet. A current from an area of high pressure air to an area of low pressure petitions to move joy to despair. A gale of doubt longs to bend my attitude and carry away all strength in its movement. As I watch the flag outside being whipped in wind’s embrace, my life feels so beaten and defeated. How can one stand against such unrelenting power?

A call to the Surgeon's office brings winds of change.

Uncertainty collides with faith.

Test results return.

Surgery dates are changed.

A violent storm of impending danger is on the horizon. I pray for the weather to change and the forecast to be kind.

Voices beckon me offering advice. Too many choices. Too many demands. Each decision leaves someone disappointed. Impossible to please and satisfy everyone. And what about me? Where is Your purpose as I meander down paths of pain? This is foreign territory and I’m a stranger in the land.

Lord, I’m searching for answers. I reach for the compass of Your Word, as mine lays shattered at my feet. You are my true North. You alone know the way out of the forest of confusion. Let one leaf fall to guide my way. Give me eyes to see. In my self-consumed thoughts, don’t let me step over this marker unnoticed. May the sound of crunching beneath my feet break through my bewilderment, as creation grabs my attention and points me to You. Help me navigate through feelings and faith, keeping my eyes fixed on You, the bright and morning Star.

I am so small. Life seems so big. You surpass them all. Take my hand Lord and show me the way.

"I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood...oh how I need, Someone to watch over me." (Gershwin)

Footnote: Through my current health challenge, God is daily drawing my heart to His. This post was written as a scholarship submission for the She Speaks Conference, a wonderful weekend of opportunity where women's hearts connect with the heart of our Heavenly Father. This scholarship is being offered by Ann Voskamp through the generous donation of Cecil Murphy. You can read about this opportunity here: a holy experience It is my desire to follow and serve the Lord wherever He leads.

Come To the Garden

2011-03-09T19:01:00.002-05:00

"Lots a things that looks dead are just biding their time." (Dickon, "The Secret Garden".)

Recently I attended a live, musical production of "The Secret Garden". There's something about that story that captivates my heart. Finding a key that opens the door to a place where dormant desires come alive. For me, "She Speaks" was the key that opened my heart to gifts and passions the Lord had planted in the garden of my soul.

I first attended "She Speaks" in 2005. I wandered in quite lost, but over the course of the weekend found myself, and my dreams. I had "flowers" that were "wick” deep in the soil of the gifts the Lord had planted in me. They had sat idle and isolated, but were alive and now given the opportunity to grow. God sees even the tiniest of flowers and He began watering the seed with the excellence of mentors who had long sat and prepared with the Master Gardener.

Caring for a garden takes effort and work. Throughout the conference the bark and thistles of doubt, fear, discouragement and inadequacy were cut back and pruned. Dead parts were cleared away giving room for tender buds of courage and confidence to bloom. The earth was loosened to let Sonshine warm the roots and feel the cool and gentle rain on the dream seeds God hand planted.

It takes courage to sprout out of the ground. It's safer below, but God's Word tells us not to hide our talents. Maybe all we can see right now is a single streak of green growth beneath the earth’s surface, "but when a thing is wick it has a will to grow, and grow." Deep down longings have been hiding through the darkest night, just waiting for such a time as this, the right time to be seen. Hosea 3:23 reminds me that God says, “I will plant her for myself in the land…” I am a planting of the Lord.

Each time I have come to the conference, the Lord has planted another seed. This year my desire to attend is two-fold. Yes, I still hold on to a silly notion of one day being a published author. But, quite honestly, this year, spiritually speaking, the garden of my heart has experienced some difficult tilling and is in need of some fertilizing.

I understand that ground needs to be cultivated and ploughed for growth to occur, but that doesn’t mean we have to enjoy the process. I stare at the date required for the submission of these scholarship entries, realizing that day, March 11, 2011, for the first time, I am scheduled to meet with an oncologist at the hospital to discuss further findings and possible treatment. An adversary has trespassed on garden ground that is not his, trying desperately to snatch the seed within me. My life feels more like a forsaken, forgotten garden. Registering for the conference this year, when the winds of uncertainty are blowing over this fallow field, is a huge step of faith. I hear the huffing and puffing of the enemy who longs to steal, kill and destroy. Oh how I pray the forecast ahead will be kind.

I lean into the swirling flow of nature’s energy and listen. I have a loving, powerful God who can produce vineyards and fruit in places of wilderness. There is growth to be born and birthed in this current climate. He will come to me like the spring rain, bringing a downpour of peace and joy. Fear wants to leave the soil barren, but faith issues an invitation to come to the garden, whispering that God is creating a new variety of flower, one whose season it is to bloom in the middle of a miracle.

("Wick" is a term used frequently in 'The Secret Garden'. It is used to describe something that still has the hope of life inside.)

This post was written as a submission for the She Speaks Scholarship opportunity.

More Than a Fairytale

2011-02-14T07:42:00.002-05:00

I've always enjoyed fairytales. A story of a handsome Prince. A beautiful Princess. Love sought. Romance. Purity. A time when just holding hands awakened feelings deep within. Eyes meet. Heart beats quicken. Pulses race. The unfolding of dreams. Simplicity. Royalty marrying commoner. Identities hidden. Position denied. Glass slippers cherished. Authenticity embraced. Honesty rewarded. Love found. The famous last words, "And they all lived happily ever after". I'm so thankful for their happiness, but the greater point is that they lived.

Often I wish I could crawl inside the pages of those fairytales. Life wasn't perfect. Hardships were everywhere. Damsels were in distress. Dragons needed slaying. Robin Hoods stole from the rich to give to the poor. Wicked witches poisoned apples and evil step-mothers imprisoned step-daughters. Yet, even within all the heartache, there was such passion. Passion to live. Passion to love.

Where are the Cinderella's of our day? Women who rise from adversity because they have been rescued from a life of slavery by the King of Kings? To borrow a title from Robert Munsch, sadly, too much of life is lived as the "Paper Bag Princess."

Circumstances steal our joy. Dragons smash our dreams and breathe fire to consume us. Our castles tumble. Breathing becomes our existence. Routine fills our day. Nothing excites us. We've lost our joy.

Life is meant to be lived. Christ came to give us not just life, but life to the full (John 10:10). Waking up every morning needs to overwhelm us with unexplainable delight. God has given us one more day. The Creator of the Universe meets with us a new each morning. Our Prince has rescued us. Royalty has married commoner. Vows pierced on a wooden cross. Promises made. Sin forgiven. We've been clothed in gowns of righteousness. A tiara of salvation adorns our head. The Kingdom is my royal inheritance. The Prince finds me lovely. I'm His choice for the first dance at the Grand Ball. His Hand is offered. I place my hand, my life, my trust in His.

One day, our Prince will come again.

Happy Valentine's Day Friends! Love to you all!

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Whirlwind

2011-01-31T12:22:00.004-05:00

“Then the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind” Job 40:6

This was the first verse in my daily reading the other morning, and quite honestly I didn’t need to read any further. God had spoken.

I have been unable to write here for quite some time. Some of you know the “whirlwind” that has attacked. Some of the ‘damages’ are visual, some hidden, but all have left me confused and unable to focus. Reading and writing have both become a challenge. Thoughts swirl and I’m unable to catch them and string them together with any clarity or coherence. I am in that whirlwind.

A whirlwind is defined as a weather phenomenon in which a vertically, rotating column of air forms due to instabilities and turbulence created by heating and current gradients. Whirlwinds occur all over the world and in any season. They are described as being a violent or destructive force, impetuous and speedy.

A whirlwind has swept me up in its clutches. My life is defined right now by instability and turbulence created by the heat and current of circumstances, medical exams, Dr’s reports, surgery dates and emotions. Whirlwinds can occur anywhere at any time. I am caught in that rotating column of air that is threatening to spin my life out of control. The weather in my "season" is unsettled. BUT...God can answer me from the whirlwind. FROM the whirlwind. Do you know what that means? Can you grasp the reality of what that is saying? He's in there with me. I am not alone. That brings a sense of calm and peace to the swirling currents already. He's in there....with me...and so until He speaks, I am going to reach over for His Hand and hold tight, because He is IN THIS current phenomenon.

And…what is a phenomenon? Why, it’s a remarkable development. It is extremely unusual and extraordinary. In its original Greek it means, that which appears or is seen. God allows whirlwind experiences because He desires to do something marvellous and significant in our lives so that others will see Him. He desires to make my life phenomenal and He wants me, and others watching, to see Him in the whirlwind. A whirlwind makes God visible.

It surprises me the singularity of the definition of a whirlwind. It’s “a” current, “a” column, “a” force. Does it not often seem like a whirlwind is multiple storms? Maybe it’s because of all the debris it acquires when we allow it to gain momentum in our hearts. Our minds race ahead and accumulate worthless what if’s, worry and urgency. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Has an unstable disturbance rocked your world recently? Is your life currently characterized by disjointed thoughts, sleeplessness, change in appetite, anxiety, concern, back aches, racing heart and agitation? You too are in a whirlwind, but you are not alone. God came to Job not only with an answer, but AS the answer. Insert your name in the verse above, “Then the LORD answered Joy from the whirlwind”.

Today as I sit poised in the unknown with decisions still ahead, I will be listening for God to speak to me from the whirlwind.

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Choosing Not to See

2010-12-09T07:50:00.005-05:00

Disappointed in not finding the item I was searching for, I headed for the store exit. Funny, I had felt so compelled to stop here. I hadn't left the house planning on coming this way, but an inner voice had persuaded my direction. Now I was frustrated. It was freezing cold outside. I really hadn't had the time for this extra stop in my travels. I needed to get home. My husband just had oral surgery and I should be checking on him and playing "nurse".

My departure was detained by a young woman leaving the store. At first I didn't see why she was walking so slowly. Completely immersed in my own little world, I was unaware of her need. Upon closer observation I realized she was pushing a baby stroller with one hand, while pulling a fully loaded cart with the other. A human "train" so to speak. She obviously was doing some Christmas shopping and had been more fortunate than I by the appearance of the shopping carts contents.

As she headed towards the parking lot struggling to keep all her treasures within her grasp, a thought filled my mind. Joy, offer to help her. Immediately that idea was dismissed. The kind gesture was counteracted, convincing me such an act would be foolish. I reasoned that she would refuse my help. These days everyone is skeptical of others who offer their services. She would be concerned about 'stranger danger'. She certainly wouldn't allow me to push her stroller, and I questioned, would she trust me with hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise? Offering to help would only make her nervous. She was handling everything alright. I should just leave her alone.

I turned a blind eye. I chose not to see. I walked to my car. Unlocked the door. Sat inside. Glanced quickly back. Then it happened. As she tried to maneuver it all over the curb, the shopping cart swayed and several of her items fell to the pavement. Frustration and exhaustion were written all over her face. As she picked up the skillet, looking for dents, I could almost hear her sigh and see the tear. How could she do it all? Care for an infant, shop, look after all the details of Christmas, and in this unbelievably cold weather too. Surely her baby would rather be at home sleeping in a cozy crib, but she had gifts to buy and time was running out. So much needed to be done. She was so weary.

And there I sat. In a warm car. Opportunity missed. Stricken with guilt gut.

The image of her face at that moment still haunts me. My heart is aching with my own selfishness. I can't turn back time. How I wish I could.

Yes, I know many of you would have helped without hesitation. You would have even gone the second mile, loading her car, returning her cart, making Jesus visible. I made a wrong decision. No excuses. No justifying. Just remorse.

Oh Lord, how I pray it’s not too late. Please don’t give up on me. I don’t want to live a life that is shy of Your best for me. Please forgive me for the many times I have not obeyed Your voice. I can’t go back, but I can move forward. Help me become someone You can turn to and say, “I’ll ask Joy. She embraces My plans for her, trusts Me and steps out in faith.”

I had felt compelled to go to this store, yet I didn't purchase one thing or understand the promptings neccessity. I believe now that God placed me there for the purpose of being His hands and feet to a young mom in need, but instead of letting her meet Jesus in an over crowded parking lot, I said 'no' and walked away. And so tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and all my tomorrow's, I will be looking for that one in need. For the weary and wounded. For the broken and betrayed. For the forgotten and forsaken. For the lonely and the loveless. For the abused and abandoned. For the busy and the burdened. For the harried and the harassed. For whoever God places in my path. I will listen for His voice. I will risk rejection. I will face fear. I will combat complacency. I will choose Christlikeness. I will live loud. I will say 'yes'. I hope....

What about you?

"Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity." Colossians 4:5 (TLB)

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The Hidden Killer

2010-10-19T07:52:00.001-04:00

"The tongue can bring death or life..." Proverbs 18:21

After discovering her body and trying to grasp the 'why's', a suicide note was found. Two words. "They said..."

The power of life and death truly is in the tongue.

Words alone are weightless, yet they can crush or empower. Build up or tear down. Encourage or devour.

Our words can be weapons of mass destruction, but are we even aware of the devastating and debilitating effect they can have on an often already wounded soul? On their own they are neutral. It's the coupling with our heart that fuels them for good or evil. Recently this truth embedded itself on my heart as I heard the following illustration.

Imagine with me for a moment a precious woman rises one morning and dresses in clothing made entirely from sticky notes. Before she even leaves her bedroom she is criticized and the first yellow square falls to the floor. As the day continues words that shame, ridicule, question her worth, make her feel inadequate, insignificant, guilty, unloved, and homely are inscribed over her life and more of her outfit crumbles away, mirroring the broken fragments of her heart as it slowly disintegrates. Some who see the clothing malfunction, try to re-attach the squares with positive feedback and encouraging words but the notes won't stick. The damage has been done. By the close of the day, she finds herself sitting at home, feeling insecure and completely exposed.

It is a terrible thing to be part of any relationship that highlights the negative and the mistakes. When criticism and correction continue, a life is characterized by unending, recurrent pain and insecurity. When faults and failures are all that are noticed, eventually one simply stops trying. What's the use? The effort takes too much energy. The results always the same.

She feels the effect so greatly, it's as if permanent marker has ruined her wardrobe. She looks in the mirror before going to bed at night, despondent, receiving and believing the lies. Crawling into bed she curls up inside the pain. The tongue does kill. She's buried alive in a pile of words.

In the silence a Hand reaches down. He sees. He knows. His love is unconditional. She is treasured and loved. Brushing off the syllables that left her slain, He dresses her in robes of righteousness. Broken, she falls into arms of love.

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Abandoning Jars

2010-08-11T07:25:00.005-04:00

As our eyes met, I dropped the luggage weighing me down, and ran into open arms, leaving behind all my personal possessions. Suddenly worldly goods lost their value. They meant nothing compared to the love and acceptance of a friend.

In John Chapter 4, we read of a Samaritan woman who encounters the Savior at Jacob's well. Their eyes meet for the first time, and verse 28 says, “Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town...” In essence, she dropped her 'suitcase' and ran into arms of love.

She had come to the well with a jar and a plan, she left with a joy and a purpose. A thirst was quenched and a jug was forgotten. No hesitation. No clinging to the object. What motivated such complete abandon? An encounter with Christ.

Letting go of our 'jars' isn't always easy. Yet we don't see the Samaritan woman weighing the odds or debating a decision. Unlike the rich young ruler who struggled with letting go of his wealth, this woman didn't even have to think twice.

We all come to Christ with jars. They come in various shapes and sizes. We fill them with people, possessions, property and plans. We hold on to them with a death grip. They give us purpose. We often allow them to define us. Our 'jars' are who we are. Yet, when the Samaritan woman met Christ, her jar was left behind.

We can't embrace Christ fully if our hands are full.

The Samaritan woman's jar was her familiar and her comfort, but it represented her pain and her past. She had to let it go. Her past was not her future. We too must learn to let go. Clinging only paralyzes us. When we cling too long our hearts become diseased by the deterioration of the things we refuse to surrender. Our unwillingness to release things keeps us in bondage, unable to move on, and get on with our lives.

Today God desires to meet you at the well of His grace and love. He is concerned about you and the 'jars' you carry. “Jars” of bitterness, jealousy, grief, guilt, envy, pride, unforgiveness, fear, and insecurity. "We curse ourselves by hanging on to the past and bring disease to our own spirits by refusing to let go of old, unhealthy habits."

Our 'jars' could also represent a relationship or a dream. The Lord does give us dear friends and He also places desires in our hearts. "He delights in doing so, but never with the intention that they should become the center of our existence, our oxygen or our lifeblood. We need to release the jars that keep us rooted to the spot where we now stand. Don't cling too tightly. God will not be relegated to second place in our lives."

The framework and foundation of our identity can be shattered if we build our entire world around our 'jar', whether it be a person, thing or dream. The line between the love of our 'jar' and idolatry is a thin one. If you can't bear the thought of leaving your 'jar' behind and living without it, it has become too dear.

The woman left her jar at the feet of Jesus. She came to the end of herself and let go. When we finally do this, He surprises us with things better than our eyes have ever seen, our ears have ever heard or our hearts have ever imagined. He knows what we want and need better than we do. When we least expect it, He comes bearing an unbelievable new 'jar' filled with all our heartfelt desires and dreams come true.

After the woman left her 'jar', she went back to the town. Today we will live, work, and travel in our 'towns'. We need to discard what we do not need for the journey ahead. Ask yourself, what do I need to leave behind to move forward with Jesus today?

Philippians 3:8 says, “I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”

We have to say goodbye in order to embrace a new hello. It take faith to say goodbye..and faith to say hello.

In her Bible study “No Other Gods”, Kelly Minter writes, “The real travesty is going through all the pain of a goodbye but never enjoying the fulfillment of a new hello." Every follower of Christ will have to take that walk to the well - it is the bridge between the old and the new. A 'jar' will have to be placed at the feet of Jesus, and that takes faith. "There is a finality that must be faced. Yet there are some surrenders that are purely necessary for life to blossom. Certain things - and I won't name them, because you already know them in your soul - choke us, wound us, and bind us in ways that keep us from moving forward. They deserve a farewell. Still we cling because the painful familiar is often more comfortable than the foreign amazing."

I believe God is watching us release 'jars' today that we have been clutching to our hearts and He is cheering saying, 'Now I can do amazing things. I'm ready to take you to the other side.' The question often is, will we let go and follow?

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A New Grade

2010-07-08T10:04:00.004-04:00

"Joy honors Me with her lips, but her heart is far from Me." (Matthew 15:8, Joy's personalized translation.)

Not exactly the words one wants to hear God speak. Convicting, yet not condemning. Words that have gripped my heart in recent weeks and provoked a deliberate time of soul-searching, hence my silence for over a month.

Words come easy to me. The writing of them is familiar. A pen is no stranger to my hand. It feels natural. Comfortable. Home. It's too easy to write what I know others want to hear, while hiding my heart.

Although many times I could have returned here over the past month, I have purposefully stayed away. It would have been easy to articulate the anticipated and echo the expected and no-one would have been the wiser, but I would have known the truth.

My heart began to detour as I was caught up in the gifts God was sending while ignoring the Giver. I began making poor choices. I have been a wanderer and a prodigal, not in the physical sense, but in my heart. I had strayed from my first Love.

A perfectionist, I give great attention to precise and proper words. Precise and proper living. There is a danger to perfection. It can be an enemy to authenticity. Legalistically I had been reviewing and evaluating my performance. Taking stock of where I was going spiritually. A good exercise to do occasionally, but my test results spoke of failure. Falling so far from the standard I had placed on myself absolutely overwhelmed me. Seeing my shortcomings and always aware of my inadequacies, my thoughts were again holding me prisoner to feelings of depression. I felt caught between that rock and hard place. It's been a time of inward reflection and contemplation. The view has not been pleasant. My heart has been laid completely bare. Secrets disclosed. Walls crashing. Freedom.

The Lord had to wean me from other dependencies. "The main danger of misplaced dependence is that it can border idolatry." (Streams in the Desert) Honestly friends, in the past I have sat by my computer for hours waiting for a message from a friend, but I was not waiting for the Lord with the same earnestness. God was saying to me, "Cease striving and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10 NASB)

I had been lingering some distance from God. I had fallen short in my responsibilities as I've allowed and chosen other things to interfere with my prayer life. "Christ becomes more real to those who persist in cultivating His presence." (Streams in the Desert) My intimacy with God was hindered by my preoccupation with other people and things.

Wholeheartedness opens the way for genuine intimacy. As I lay my heart at His feet, He reminded me that nothing I do, or fail to do, could ever separate me from His love. When guilt conspires, God gives grace.

Oh Lord, how I long for love and passion for You to consume me. The Lord responded to this plea and my desire to know Him, by bringing circumstances into my life where I must trust Him more.

God has called me to step out in faith, with hope, and rely completely on Him. In the weeks ahead there are mountains ahead of me, roads to travel, unknowns and uncertainties, but God has already graded my paper and told me this time I've passed. Victory was secured by my obedience. The outcome no longer is of any consequence. I'm already celebrating my "A" and praising Him for the deliverance already promised!

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." Genesis 28:15

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Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 7: The Best Friend Club

2010-06-05T14:27:00.006-04:00

"We all let people into our lives, but you will find that really good friends let you into your own."

All my life I've wanted a "best friend". I don't know why I've never had one. Not for lack of desire. It just hasn't been. Seemed like everyone else always had one. Envious of others who wrote of such a precious relationship, an emptiness remained. Throughout the years I would watch from the sidelines as best friends did best friend things. Sleepovers. Swapping clothes. Chick flicks. Late nights. Secrets shared. Giggles. Laughter. Hugs. Boyfriend talks...OK..so I'm many years too late for that one!...but we can still share dating stories! :) I would longingly watch best friends as an observer, not a participant. I didn't belong to that club. At least, not yet.

Over the course of the next nine days God knit two hearts together. The stitching was elaborate. The thread, His Spirit. The design, a breathtaking original. One-of-a-kind. Diane had an uncanny sixth sense, instinctively knowing my little girl dreams and as if on a mission, she set out to reclaim childhood lost.

A drive to "The Love of Chocolate" for "Girlfriend candy".
"Fried Green Tomatoes" and Kleenex.
Shared Napoleon dessert at the bakery.
A road trip to North Carolina.
Late nights. Later mornings.
Hands held. Prayers spoken.
Shared clothes. Shared secrets.
Giggles. Laughter. Tears. Hugs.
Comfortable silences that speak beyond the power of words.

"The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had."

We enjoyed the refreshing of those wordless retreats. An understanding that flows beyond audible communication. Time on the "porch swing" to just enjoy the treasure of being in the company of one another. Kindred spirits surpass the need for words.

Every day, along with the tangible gifts I received, I unwrapped another of much greater value. Acceptance. Love. Trust. Loyalty. Faith. Hope. Diane gave me the key of friendship and extended a welcome with a lifetime guarantee.

Today I continue to thank the Lord for the cup of blessing she has poured into my life. I thank Him for the good times warmed by her lighthearted laughter. I thank Him for difficult times made less challenging by her support and prayers. I thank Him for sharing times that wouldn't be the same with anyone else. God has been so gracious to allow me to join the "Best Friend Club". Nothing will ever compare to the precious memories I hold so dear to my heart.

What continues to make our friendship so special, is that we share the same Father. Together we crawl up on His lap for one another. We rejoice in His presence. Weep at His feet. Kneel in prayer. Worship the One who continues to weave His Presence through our lives. "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." (Ecc.4:12) Lord, thank You for being the One who knits our hearts as one.

"How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to." Unknown

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Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 6: The Most Beautiful Hands

2010-05-28T14:58:00.000-04:00

To ensure I wasn’t dreaming, I felt the need to keep pinching myself. *ouch* No, this was real. Dream’s desire had become reality.

Walking into Diane’s beautiful home, I smiled. Although I had seen pictures, nothing compared to His presence welcoming me. A peace beckoned me to enter. A quietness called my heart to begin “Faith’s” journey to “Hope”.

She had prepared a room for me. A haven. A sanctuary. A bed had been readied. A treasured heirloom draped it in warmth. A stuffed, fury friend offered chocolate. (As an aside, this chocolate tasted really good early the following morning while sitting in bed with a cup of decaf coffee!) My attention was drawn to a basket. My eyes watered. Little parcels of love. Wrapped and dated. One to open each day while I was there. How do I receive such love?

Overwhelmed by the preparation that had gone into my arrival. Was it not enough that Diane had willingly opened her home to welcome me…but, now to extend all this kindness was more than my mind could fathom and my heart receive.

Each gift chosen personally for me. Beyond the content was the sacrifice. Sacrifice of time. Sacrifice of offering. Sacrifice of pain. The detail and effort did not go unnoticed. Specific Bible verses. Cards mounted on coloured card-stock cut in cascading curves. Hand-written messages on each one. Created by scarred hands. Pain endured for the sake of love. The assembly of these was no small task. Designed by beautiful hands. For beauty, true beauty is found in love. The very most beautiful hands I have ever seen. Hands that resist surrender to defeat. Hands that triumph over trial. Hands that love, care, protect and embrace. I only see beauty my friend. (I can’t fathom the effort it took to prepare this basket of gifts. Diane…am I really…really…really that loved?)

It is great love that endures such pain for another. Pain ‘from’ transformed to pain ‘for’. Scars received to scars redeemed. As I reflected on how beautiful her hands were to me, I realized I had seen these hands pictured before. They looked so familiar. Ah yes…her Father’s hands. Nail-pierced hands. Hands cruelly wounded and marred, yet held by love. Oh, no shame my friend…no hiding…no embarrassment…they are the most beautiful hands I’ve ever seen because they are just like Jesus.

Thank you for touching my life with His hands.

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Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 5: Look

2010-05-21T13:45:00.001-04:00

“Look”

Upon receiving this final text message, my heart beat quicker, my eyes scanning every direction. Where was she? Could she see me? Was she watching even now?

From a distance I saw her white van. I honestly thought I would burst out of my skin. After waiting for what seemed like forever to meet my precious friend, these final minutes were the hardest I had yet to endure. If longing could only close the distance between us, her vehicle would have been travelling so much quicker.

Parking her van, I reached up to open the drivers side door only to find it locked. Camera in hand she was trying to capture this encounter on film. The delay only heightened my desire. Enough! I’ve waited too long already.

In a second the door opened and I will never forget that hug. Embraced in the arms of my friend, we were at last face-to-face. Distance dissipated. Patience rewarded. Waiting over. The twelve hour journey worth everything. I didn’t want to let go. I held on tight. My heart felt ‘home’.

‘Home’. A place of rest, belonging and acceptance. I suppose in many ways, with Diane, I had been there for awhile. She had welcomed me over the threshold of her life months ago, extending hospitality to my thoughts, dreams, disappointments, fears and failures. She had not turned me aside, away or out. Taking my hand, tenderly holding my heart, she listened, prayed, encouraged and received. Shame didn’t shock. Questions never ridiculed. Secrets held secure. Silence accepted and not pushed. Laughter shared. Over a cup of “virtual tea” she never rushed my thoughts, expected perfection or hurried my heart. Patient. Caring. Identifying. Loving.

The waiting over, we stood looking into each others eyes. Mine smiled. A word has yet to be written to express such joy. I will breathe in and cherish that moment always.

I am reminded of a day that will come when even this excitement will seem as nothing. Another encounter. Another wait over. Another longing fulfilled. Another face-to-face moment. Another ‘home’.

Anticipation over. Faith becoming sight. A call to ‘look’ that will linger for all eternity. That day's overwhelming joy and delight becoming but a mere suggestion of what it will be like to meet Jesus and fall into His arms, face-to-face. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

And so our ten days began. We have so much to share about Faith’s trip to Hope. I trust you will continue to take time to return and share in this story of friendship.

Diane…in case I forget to tell you…I had a really great time. Love ya my BFF. Hugs!

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Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 4: A New View

2010-05-15T06:55:00.004-04:00

(Diane's part of our story continues. What a blessing she is to me!!!!)

Excitement leaped across the border as I read Joy's message, “It is set; I am really coming!”

I chuckled as I responded, “What are they going to do; toss you out of the car when you reach the I-95 and Richmond exit?”

Silence. An indication of apprehension. Realizing her fear was rising, my heart in sensitivity responded, “Don't worry. I'll be there to catch you.”

In less than a month Joy would be here. There was much to prepare, both in my home and in my heart. My world was far from perfect. It was one thing to open my life on screen, quite another to be seen. All safe guards would be removed. All covers gone. Ten days is a long time.

My life has been touched by trauma. Disability and divorce have fought to define me. Details aren't necessary, but in the aftermath of my circumstances, unwanted weeds had taken root and were strangling me with pain, loneliness, anger, resentment and bitterness. This is who I had become. These feelings had replaced God and I was allowing them to rob me of His healing work in my life.

I was questioning God. His purpose. His plan. Once an encourager, now I was the one in need of encouragement. Where was my help? Who was going to minister to me? Lord, don't you see all I'm going through right now? What about me?

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever exhausted all your resources and come to a place of desperate longing, needing someone to pour into your life? Regardless of how strong your faith has been or how assured your belief in God, the path before seems clouded and uncertain.

Still loving my family more than words can express, a void remains. Every waking hour I miss the sound of their voices...their fun...their pranks...their laughter...their touch...their love and need for me. Yet deeper, my love and need for them. Walking a path I would have never imagined and longing to be obedient to God, I desperately want to be daily making right choices that please and honor Him, my life giving testimony to the hope within. Battered and bruised hope, but breathing hope. Joy's coming would not remove the emptiness, but provide a temporary diversion.

With Joy I had drawn back the curtains of my heart and she still welcomed the view. Her desire to travel to Virginia was driven by her longing to minister to me. Realizing that time had long since wearied me with the weight of mountains magnified on the landscape of my life, she had already shouldered my burden, walking so close, her feet covered in the dust from my footsteps. Searching the horizon, my hope was fading.

Sometimes we're just looking out the wrong window.

Joy's coming shifted my focus. Choices had to be made. Would I continue to feed anger and pain, or throw my efforts into preparing a welcoming haven for my friend? I knew her heart too was searching for a sanctuary of safety and retreat. I began to ready my home for her visit. Special treasures purchased. Hand-made gifts a labor of love. As my attention and energy changed direction, God began writing two new words across my life. Disability and divorce were being redefined by Hope and Faith.

Today I see life from a new view. With clearer vision I know I am not alone.

How about you? Are you looking back through anger, pain, bitterness, fear or shame? Maybe it's time to see through the eyes of Hope and Faith.

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Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 3: The Voice of Hope

2010-04-30T20:31:00.002-04:00

(So excited that Diane is sharing today's post. This is not just my story, it's ours. Love ya friend!)

“You need to be careful, after all, you don’t even really know this person.”
“ Remind me, how did you connect with her again?”
“ Isn’t 10 days a little long? Are you sure about this?”

Those were just a few of the loving questions of concern I was met with the day I told my close friends that Joy was coming to visit me. Isn’t it a shame that we live in a society where we have to challenge our hearts and motives? As much as I appreciated their care and interest, never once did I doubt the motive of Joy's visit. I had been given perfect peace about the timing, length and purpose of her trip. Let me take you back to the beginning of my story.

I met Joy when I joined an on line blog with Proverbs31 Ministries. I was amazed that because of one woman's commitment to read through the bible in a year, “Faith” met “Hope”. Every day I would go to this blog and read the comments from precious women who were daily seeking God's heart. We became a circle of friends. We shared in each others everyday lives. The only thing missing was physically meeting eye-to-eye.

As the months went by and this group grew closer, I felt led to pray and petition for many of my new friends. I purchased a new pink journal where I recorded their names, as well as their “blog” names. Before I knew it, I had filled page after page with prayers and praises for them and their loved ones. These women were from all around the world. Kristen from California, Lori from Arizona, Nancy from Missouri, Channa from the Bahamas, and the list goes on. We all connected because of one woman, Wendy from North Carolina, who simply said, “Yes God, I’ll commit to facilitate this study.”

When Wendy needed to travel for a speaking engagement or take time away, although seldom done, she would ask Joy to fill in for her. That is when I think I really connected with Joy.

I had met her on the blog, loved reading her comments, and found her insight amazing. I also knew that during this time her heart was heavy for her daddy. You see, he was very sick and Joy asked for a lot of prayer for him. I remember praying continually for her dad. As time went on, her dad's condition worsened. All of us were praying daily for God to show Joy, and her loved one, evidence of His mighty hand.

I would pop in and out on Joy’s blog, leaving her notes to try and let her know she wasn’t alone. Others did the same and there was such a bond with this particular group of women, that words fail to give it justice. Over the next year Joy and I would write back and forth. As I reflect now, I think God was planting roots in our hearts.

Several of us planned to meet at the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina last summer, but Joy was not able to attend. I felt led to be her eyes. I took pictures for her and narrated the entire trip. It was funny how I would seem to capture pictures of the exact people Joy knew and wanted to see without her even asking. Since that time she has revealed to me how precious it was that I sacrificed the time to do this for her. It made her feel so special...almost as if she was there.

Now, let's return to our present adventure. Joy has already started you on the journey, but there are two things, that out of love she has not revealed to you yet. Through all of this I was going through a divorce. I also live with some disabilities. These details don't matter, except that if I omit mentioning them I will rob the Lord of countless praises and fail to let you see the many wonders of His mighty love for me!

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Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 2: God's Provision

2010-04-25T18:36:00.005-04:00

“I'm praying for you my friend, but is there anything else I can do?” My question was filled with longing to minister to a need. I waited to hear how I could put action to my prayerful petitions.

“What time is your flight arriving?”

It was this response that echoed in my heart time after time. It was this answer that quenched anxiety and fueled faith. It was this reply that called me from complacency to courage and turned timidity into triumph. It was discovering that there are times when love trumps fear.

Longing to visit my friend, I began to pray for God to make a way. Many of you know that I am a white-knuckle airline traveler, yet I told the Lord I was willing to get on a plane if He asked it of me. Never had I felt such a pull to surrender all my inadequacies for the sake of another. Not only did I want to go visit Diane, I wanted to be there...now. Releasing the timing to the Lord was hard. Would He bring it about quickly? Surely He saw the need. Surely He would intervene. I would trust in Him.

Not long after I was sitting with a friend at Bible Study. She was excited as she shared about her upcoming trip to Florida. She and her husband were going to have a couple of weeks in the sunny South. They were leaving soon and driving down for a holiday. As I listened, a question formed in my mind and burst out of my mouth before I could contain it.

“You wouldn't want to drop me off in Virginia would you?”

Her immediate response: “Sure, no problem”.

As I was half joking with my question, I assumed she too was joking with her response. It seemed too easy.

Five days later I “happened” to see her again. Her first question to me was, “Did you really want to go to Virginia?”

Did I really want to go? Oh, I'd been praying for nothing else. Yes, I wanted to go!

Then, it was settled. She had already spoken with her husband and they would be happy to provide my transportation. My friend was thrilled to know that God was using them as an answer to my prayer. It would take us twelve hours to drive to Virginia and they were thinking of stopping there the first night anyway. They would 'throw me out' of the car at a designated destination and Diane could pick me up. Within minutes the plan was put in place.

I remember sending Diane a quick e-mail saying, “Friend...I hope you were serious...'cause I'm coming down!”

Within 24 hours I had rescheduled two weeks of appointments and agenda in order to take care of things while I was away. Every detail fell into place. My son received his driver's license and would have my car for transportation while I was gone. My husband was so supportive of this trip and encouraged me to go. I was able to arrange two weeks of Bible study in my absence and found a replacement for teaching Sunday School. Not one detour or roadblock appeared. Confirmation of God's hand on this timing.

I was as giddy as a young school girl. I had never taken a holiday by myself...ever! The adventure was about to begin!

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Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 1: Unwrapping Hope

2010-04-19T11:05:00.006-04:00

“Good morning there sweetie,
Would you join me this morning for a cup of virtual tea?
We can just sit and enjoy each other as we wait for your results.
I would like to hear all about your life, family and what it is like to live in Canada.
I will share my life with you.
We can share all the blessings God has given us.
If at any time we need them, there is is a box of tissues beside us. We can use them for tears of fear or laughter.
Near the tissues is a Bible, ready to lead us to any of God's words as He directs.
There is my hand, ready to hold and my arms are ready to hug.
because I care.
Joy I am there today and I care my sister. HUGS!”

I had awoken that morning filled with fear. A series of medical tests had been completed and this was the day the phone should ring and results be shared. The possibility for unwelcomed news had birthed panic, instead of the peace I longed to claim. Anxious. Afraid. Alone.

A notifier on my computer indicated I had mail. The message above greeted me. Tears began to flow.

I first 'met' Diane through a Proverbs 31 Speaker's blog. She and I often left comments on the same site. We shared some mutual friends. I did not know her, but I always enjoyed reading her remarks. They were real...sincere...and frequently made me smile. She had a wonderful sense of humour, and my life had been lacking genuine laughter.

In the summer of 2008 I actually remember seeing her while attending the "She Speaks" conference in North Carolina. With almost 600 women in attendance, something...Someone...drew me to take notice. I heard life had recently been unkind and recognized a soul's emptiness through her eyes. I had often seen that same reflection in my mirror. Lack of courage kept me cocooned and I did not meet her, but her face was sketched on my heart.

Then, in January of 2009, we both embarked on a journey together to read through the Bible in a year. Daily I would leave comments on our facilitator, Wendy Pope's blog, and I'd always check to see if Diane had shared her response to that days reading. She many times would pen my thoughts and I looked forward with anticipation to find her heart revealed. Her authenticity and vulnerability drew me into her life and I longed to know her in a deeper way, but my insecurities kept me from reaching out on a more personal level. I was so afraid of rejection.

I began to pray for her...and I also continued praying for a kindred spirit friend...not knowing that God would intersect those two prayers and knit together one answer.

In March of that same year my world was turned upside down with my dad's unexpected nine-month hospital stay. My faith was tested. I was walking a road of tremendous heartache. Days I felt like I was suffocating in uncertainty and pain. I was questioning God and longing to see His hand restore healing. At times when I thought I couldn't endure another moment, a message would appear on my computer.

“Praying for you Joy,
Hugs”

“Have no regrets, no matter how hard, my friend. God has his hand in the center of your back and he will give you all the strength you need, and then just a bit more.
I am praying and thinking about you,
Hugs”

“You have been in my prayers and in my heart. Standing with you my sister”

I'm ashamed to say I rarely responded to her kind notes at first. I was just so exhausted. So weary. I appreciated her kindness, but blanketed in despair, I felt I had nothing to give, yet she didn't go away. As I look back over all her messages now, almost daily she was pouring into my life. She was a constant amidst the turmoil and the tears. For some unknown reason, she had taken up a burden that was not her own and was holding me up, encouraging me and showering me in love.

Having had friends walk away in my life recently, fear bound me. I couldn't stand the ache of rejection. Not now. My heart couldn't take loving and losing. I was cautious. I longed to respond, but I just couldn't find the strength to trust.

She continued to reach out. She included me in so much of her life. Unable to attend the "She Speaks" conference last summer due to my dad's extended hospitalization, she even took me with her via camera and video. I felt like I was there as I received pictures of my friends and 'talked' across the miles via the Internet. I couldn't fathom such kindness. No-one had ever given me so much.

Return now to a day in January earlier this year, and an invitation for virtual tea. She remembered. She cared. My heart was overwhelmed. Barriers of protection fell. The safe distance I had wanted to maintain disappeared. I was going to risk opening my heart and life.

Late night chats. Skype. Prayers. Tears. E-mails. Even comfortable, contented silence. Slowly I started to realize I had found a safe place. I began to see the blessings in brokenness and the delight found through a path of despair.

One night an honest, innocent statement was shared and all my defenses fell. The strength to resist collapsed. Like a retaining wall destroyed because of one weak crack, a flood of emotion poured forth and "Pandora's Box" was opened. My words were met with understanding. No judgement. No wrongs. No rights. Complete acceptance. As she received my heart without question, held it gently, cried with me, prayed and encouraged, I realized the most amazing gift had been placed in my hands.

I began unwrapping Hope.

Kiwi Anyone?

2010-03-25T22:58:00.004-04:00

(The following post was written as an entry for the "She Speaks Scholarship Contest". To read more about the She Speaks Conference, click here.)

I was afraid and went out and hid [my] talent in the ground. (Matthew 25:25)

As the runner dove for home plate, the ball slammed into the catcher's mitt. With a shout of affirmation the umpire hollered, “Safe!”.

Isn't that what we all long to hear? We desire safety almost above all else. We purchase security systems, install locks, buy alarms and firewalls for home, office and computers. We pray safety for our family. We want to live safe little lives, untouched, but sadly unfulfilled.

I don't want to go through life pursuing safety, while missing the Savior.

We are held hostage and paralyzed by the things that frighten us. We need to make personal all that God has made possible, claiming His promises.

Beth Moore has said that we are eating apples and oranges when there is kiwi available. We're like little birds splashing around in a mud puddle on the sidewalk, when there's a large pond just over the hill.

Author Hilary Price writes, “It's time to step out from huddling in the security of the little pool of light at the base of the lamp post, with all of it's limitations, and go on the road with Jesus – what an adventure!”

“She Speaks” is the kiwi, the pond and the adventure!

I have attended the “She Speaks” conference twice in the past. I have chosen safe seminars, shared safe presentations, and sat safely in the back row. I have pursued safe dreams and kept the treasures of my heart locked behind doors of inadequacy, insecurity and fear. What has this pursuit of safety done for me? Left me living a life overflowing with 'should have's' and 'if only's', disappointed in myself for not fully trusting God.

Josie Bissett writes, “Dreams come a size too big so we can grow into them.” Growing isn't safe. It requires stretching and seizing opportunities. God's dreams for me are big, but I have controlled the abundance right out of my life.

Tired of self-preserved living, I'm abandoning my safety in exchange for His security. Security implies such an assurance that there is no need for apprehension. Resting and trusting with full confidence that though life isn't always safe, God always is and He will not fail.

Safety says, “Don't register for the conference. The cost is great.”

Financially that might be true, but the cost on my life if I don't attend is a greater sacrifice. Another year passes. Another regret. Another missed opportunity. I don't know how God will provide, but I know He will.

Safety says, “Don't sign up for speaker evaluation or a meeting with a publisher.”

Failure looms and threatens in both these areas. Voices echo in my head that I am foolish to even consider trying. Failure and pain won't kill me, but meaningless will. A very dear friend encouraged me with this thought: “You can't claim victory if you don't get in the fight.” Again, Beth Moore writes, “Satan is standing on your God-given ground daring you to take possession of it.”

I've existed in safety too long allowing the enemy to claim land that is not his. "She Speaks" is an invitation to occupy my land. I need to take a stand on some broken, parched ground. It's time to live. It's time to allow God to stretch me. It's time to walk in obedience and “'Get your supplies ready... go in and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you for your own.' " (Joshua 1:11) Crossing the River of Fear, I'm heading to the Land of Promise.

Safety is completely over-rated. It denies and deprives us of adventures that God longs for us to experience. Adventures in faith. Adventures in living, letting go and leaning on Him.

Afraid, I have buried my talent in the ground, and along with it my dreams and desires.

The Master responds, “That's a terrible way to live! It's criminal to live cautiously like that!” (Matthew 25:26 The Message)

I'm trading my fragile dreams for God's phenomenal realities, trusting in Him to supply.

Standing on sacred ground.

Found at Sea

2010-03-06T09:53:00.004-05:00

"Put out into deep waters." (Luke 5:4)

Living on the shore, splashing in puddles, I've been afraid of the deep. Afraid of my feet losing footing. Afraid of the fight and effort required to keep my head above water in deeper depths. Putting out into the deep would render me helpless. What if I dove in and couldn't make it back to land before drowning in a sea of vulnerability, pain and confusion.

"The depth of the water into which we sail depends upon how completely we have cut our ties to the shore, the greatness of our need, and our anxieties about the future."

Shallow seemed safer. Deeper decisions, dangerous.

Letting loose the lines that held me to the past, I've suddenly found myself flailing in unfamiliar waters. Going under, self submerged, His grace washes over me, soaking sorrow, sin and shame. Covered by His love, I long for forgiveness, acceptance and deliverance. Grasping for breath, I struggle, terrified of being exposed, left and abandoned.

Will I drown in billows of humiliation? Can I give myself permission to stop fighting the currents pull and believe Someone will hold me...carry me across to the other side? Can I leave the familiar shore for the foreign unknown? The water seems colder. The wind unfriendly. I panic as I sense the sharks circling, waiting for the opportune moment to strike. I feel my insides torn even without their touch.

Glancing at the faraway horizon, struggling and so very much afraid, lost and lonely, giving up, a life-line is thrown. I am not alone in the ocean. God provided a friend who has charted these waters and sailed similar seas. It will be hard, but I will not be alone.

When the undertow is strong and I want to surrender to it's pull, she encourages, "Keep swimming!" When the way back beckons louder than the call to journey forward, she implores, "Keep swimming!" When the weight of the burden I'm still clenching threatens to pull me under, she helps me open tight-fisted hands and with understanding whispers in my ear, "keep swimming". When the sound of the sea confuses me and panic overtakes, she yells above the chaos, "KEEP SWIMMING". When the waves toss me relentless and I'm battered and bruised by authenticities price, she tenderly cries, "Keep swimming, dear one, keep swimming". When I call for help she holds my hand. With her touch I suddenly notice that she swims beside me as God calms the raging storm in me.

I wish at this point I could share a conversation I had with the dearest of friends Thursday morning. Incredible doesn't begin to describe the journey she took with me. Through a carefully crafted illustration the waves continued to roll, but instead of fighting, we began floating in the Hands of God. She directed my gaze to a boat ahead and the Captain who was waiting for us there. When seen through God's eyes, the waves that were threatening moments before appeared gentle. God was rocking us in the cradle of His hands. His boat was anchored, reliable and dependable. "My darling baby girl, I am not going anywhere."

As I reached to borrow her binoculars to see the boat ahead, she pointed something out to me. I had freely let go of her hand...twice...and I had stopped flailing and kicking against the waves. Why? Because my eyes were back on Jesus. She reminded me that Jesus "provides that never ending anchored strength and calm in the storms of life."

Sometimes we just have to "relax and trust the process".

Thanks Diane. Love ya tons. I discovered I was never lost at sea, but found. His eyes have never left or shifted their gaze from me...not even for a moment. His stare steadfast. Exchanging my weariness for His rest. In floating I am strangely secure.

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Leaving

2010-02-20T07:04:00.003-05:00

“So Abram left, as the LORD had told him...” Genesis 12:4

Leaving. Not a welcomed walk. Surrendering the comforts of our present 'home' for a fresh abiding. It could be physical, but more often it is emotional. Letting go of the familiar and embracing the foreign. Relinquishing the now for the new. If God is truly my hearts desire, why is that letting go so difficult? Why is it not easy to abandon all else for the pursuit of the Lover of my soul?

Maybe God is opening an opportunity for ministry, yet the steps seem uncertain. Waiting for clearer vision, desiring divine confirmation, we are hesitant to take that next step. The invitation was extended, but direction either way has been unclear. If we believe God is in control of our life, and everything that touches us is first sifted through His hands of allowance, could this not be His request? The Lord frequently uses His children in our lives as counselors and guides. Would this leaving and following bring God glory? Would faith be required and strengthened?

I was thinking about another area of my life where I've been seeking God's direction. I desire so much that a voice from heaven would just boom down in great clarity making my obedience easier. But God is not after ease. As His silence has remained, I'm wondering...is the unsettled feeling His Spirit? Is the longing for change His sign? He gives us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). Is this desire the planting of the Lord and He is waiting to see if I will surrender something I love for Someone I love? Do I love Him more? Maybe God doesn't always make every decision perfectly clear for the purpose of revealing our heart. In our choosing we show our allegiance as to whether we love the Lord just in word, of if our lives are completely His, willingly following Him anywhere in everything. There's a sacrifice required, yet how can I even begin to compare this giving up with the cost of Christ's sacrifice.

It is only human to want to see before we step out on a new path with God, yet the call alone should evoke the obedience. I like all my “ducks in a row”. When I plan a vacation, before leaving home my itinerary is settled. Hotels booked. Destination planned. Steps of faith don't come that neatly organized. New journey's require leaving behind and facing the uncertain and unknown. Trying to carry the past into my present will weigh heavily and slow down my walk, dragging my feet as I carry the needs from a previous season. God is saying, “Let it go!”

I believe it was Oswald Chambers who wrote that we cannot worry about the positions or people left behind. God is aware of their needs and He will supply for the gap left due to our obedience. Our remaining and refusal to respond to the Lord will only rob another of their opportunity to answer God's call.

What has God been asking of you? Where have you felt that struggle and conflict of interest between you and God? Throw off all that hinders and like Abram, go without knowing all the details. Just take His hand. He will lead you to His Promise Land.

So Joy left, as the LORD had told her...

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Then Yesterday

2010-02-12T20:39:00.003-05:00

I've been very unsettled lately. God appears to be taking a sabbatical of silence. There's been a void and nothingness that has awakened my heart in search of more while living in my less.

Around me stories circle of 'burning bushes'. God is speaking, calling and directing others, yet though my ears are attentive for His voice, I'm strangely detached.

No voice.

Silence.

God's silence does not go unnoticed. It's deafening in it's absence, while all the while my heart cries for just a whisper.

Friends share how God is working in their lives, fulfilling dreams, designing opportunities and I rejoice with them while wondering what's wrong with me?

I echo Christ's cry, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46 NIV)

Some days, does it not feel like you are living in a soundproof room?

Yet, as each day is met with silence, I'm learning that instead of faith wavering, it's growing. Without answers, trust grows deeper roots. In the face of darkness, God is still there. I don't need His voice to validate His presence. My walk with God is often more like a series of bars of rest in a musical score, than it is a brilliantly orchestrated overture. Silence is the watering for the flower of faith to grow. Not silence on my part, but on God's. I keep talking to God. I keep expecting and anticipating while accepting. God's love for me is not defined by how many times He has spoken to me. His love was defined once and for all on an old wooden cross. Love reaching and touching beyond the power of words.

My faith is not founded on signs, the sensational, spectacular or superficial. It is founded on a Savior.

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believe." John 20:29 (NIV)

God's silence does not indicate abandonment or inactivity. The 400 years that span Malachi to Matthew were silent, yet not quiet. "In fact, the silences of Jesus are as eloquent as His words..."

Seasons of silence need to be endured. Walked through. God's silence can actually act like "a pretty accurate barometer of whether we really have faith in God." (A. Gregory)

Sometimes all I hear is the empty echo of my own voice. Though I know He is a fixed variable, at times He seems more irregular than constant.

Then yesterday.

His purpose was explained.
His presence bathed my quiet time in His Word.
His pleasure gave companionship as I walked.
His peace filled my heart as I shared concerns with a friend.
His plan was opened through an invitation.
His promises rebirthed hope.
His power infused me with excitement.
His pursuit took my breath away.
His pulse beat within my heart.

Then yesterday.

Now today.

I walk it with renewed wonder and knowing.

In the silence, God is here.

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Removing Blinders

2010-01-25T08:45:00.002-05:00

Courage is more than seeing sin.

How often, because we so desperately desire to see good, are we deceived? Longing to believe that what is, isn't, we are quick to excuse and grab hold of any thread offered. A thread woven with lies. A blind eye will only hide sin, not remove it.

Francis Frangipane writes, “Sin wears a cloak of deception.” It embraces rationalization and compromises. “For sin engulfs the mind in a cloud of alibis and cover-ups as it seeks to keep itself alive. It twists and distorts the truth, and without plans for repentance it calmly reassures us, 'God understands; He'll never judge me.'”

“Should an embarrassing sin nearly be exposed through circumstances etc., we thank God that our secret problem remained hidden. As likely as not, however, it was not God who kept the sin hidden; it was the devil. The attitude of heaven towards sin is plain.”

Sin needs exposure. Some are easily deceived. Some don't count the cost of 'looking the other way'. Some are deluded into believing that which is false. In haste they believe any explanation, quick to endorse and excuse. It takes courage to see sin. It is painful. It tears us apart emotionally and physically.

“Proverbs 29:1 warns, 'A man who hardens his neck after much reproof will suddenly be broken beyond remedy.' Paul also warns of those whom 'God gave...over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, that their bodies might be dishonoured among them.' Why? Because 'they exchanged the truth of God for a lie' (Romans 1:24-25). Every sin is the exchange of the truth of God for a lie.”

Falsehood protects sin.

People are held spellbound in fantasy worlds of falsehood.

It takes courage to accept revelation to know the truth.

It takes courage to discern what is right. A covering of grace extended only perpetuates the evil when there's been no repentance.

Purify us Lord of lies and illusions.

Lord, give me courage to seek, see and speak truth.

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Motivated By Love

2010-01-24T06:25:00.006-05:00

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak” Ecclesiastes 3:1,7

I'm discovering already that courage is required and demanded for a lot more than elevator rides and catwalks. When compared to yesterdays call to be brave, these are trite and insignificant. Weighed in the balance, there is no question how the scale fell. Only six days into this trek to 'take courage' and already I want to abandon the journey. Today I have a weak and wounded heart.

For reasons I cannot explain, yesterdays step of obedience in the path of courage, required divine wisdom and strength. Truth needed to be shared.

Stumbling upon the reality of a dear, precious soul embracing a lifestyle of evil was not something I wanted to discover. Yet, the Lord led me to this knowledge. What was I to do with it?

Courage and truth walked hand-in-hand. Silence would have condoned. I had to speak or others would pay an awful price for my personal discomfort. Yes 'discomfort', as I would have suffered alone carrying the burden of this news...yet to hear the words spoken only shared and deepened the pain. It was not a day for cowardice.

Courage to speak the truth. Withholding the truth would only delay the painful revelation. A friend wisely shared with me just two days ago, “Lies and secrets are never good grounds for loving.”

Knowing the land needed the tilling for good ground in preparation for the footsteps of the holy, some uprooting and exposure needed to take place in order to plant seeds on facts. Deceit's mask was manipulating. The revealing has left me completely spent.

How do you look into the eyes of those you wish you never have to hurt and gently share news that will cut so fiercely and wound so deeply that it steals your own breath away to utter its accuracy? You don't do it on your own, that's for sure. Led by the Spirit and surrendered to His plan, I opened my mouth for His filling.

These are not just mere acquaintances. Our relationship extends this painful privilege, one I wish had not been bestowed upon me.

Beyond the misery of truth's revealing is a life concealed and bound by lies. Choices are walking a path far from God and leaving such heartache and confusion in its wake. Sin never touches just one life. The devastation is wide-spread.

My motivation for yesterdays bravery? Love.

A soul is in grave peril.

More Than Stamps

2010-01-23T08:25:00.003-05:00

Fighting to keep her composure, the clerk at the Post Office served the gentleman in line ahead of me.

He gave the common greeting, “Hi! How are you today?”

He received an uncommon response. The expected, yet often rote, ‘Fine’, was replaced with silence, followed by a broken reply, almost inaudible.

“We had to put our cat down today. Her liver stopped working.”

The gentleman expressed his condolences, seeming very uneasy. Handling a woman…a stranger woman in tears, was obviously not his area of expertise. Why did his wife send him to mail these parcels today!

Shortly thereafter I approached the counter. Normally I would have purchased the needed stamps and quickly moved on, but not today. Today I was choosing courage.

“I couldn’t help but overhear that you had to put your cat down today. I’m so sorry.”

A single tear escaped and trickled down her cheek.

I paid for my stamps and moved to the side. She served two other customers and then turned again to me.

“His name was ‘Andy’. We loved him so much. We had him for 17 years. I’m sad, but it’s my husband I’m worried about. He’s devastated. He couldn’t go to work today. I have just phoned to have a gal come and take over my shift here shortly so that I can go home and be a comfort to him.”

Now was not the time to tell this grieving clerk that I don’t even like cats. Now was not the time to shyly move away. Now was not the time to rush off to accomplish the next item on an already overly scheduled agenda. Now was the time to listen.

Her face brightened as she spoke of Andy’s antics. It was apparent that he was a much loved companion.

I left with her name and her husband’s name and told her I would be praying for them. Again she reiterated, “Oh, I’ll be OK, but please pray for my husband.”

Bravery came today in a sharing of sympathy, a listening ear and a promise to pray.

Adding a Post Script to the Elevator Saga:

If you read Tuesday’s post, you know “Day one” of my journey to choose courage had me riding in an elevator. Well, a funny thing happened yesterday. The very fitness center I wrote about here, was having repair work done, closing off the entrance to the stairs. Guess what? The only way up was to use the elevator! It’s a very small elevator and quite confining. Before Tuesday I would have discovered this predicament and walked away, deciding not to use the facility again until I could climb the stairs. Not yesterday. Yesterday I bravely faced my enemy again…looked him in the eye…pushed that button…and rose to greater heights! I also made a discovery. I was with my sister…and she seemed more nervous than me! ;)

Call Me Crazy

2010-01-21T06:34:00.004-05:00

Well, if you read my post from Tuesday, you know that I'm on a new adventure with the Lord. I shared with a friend yesterday morning how I am praying each day for the Lord to give me an opportunity to choose courage and she told me I was crazy.

You know what? I don't mind being called crazy for the Lord.

I don't mind being crazy if each day requires that I depend on Him a little more.

Crazy sounds great if I'm walking towards faith and away from fear.

I'd much rather live crazy in love with Jesus and following Him, then afraid. Let me tell you. I've lived with constant anxiety for years and it just wasn't working for me.

So, do you want to know what I did yesterday?

I have a membership at a Fitness Center where they have a walking track. I try and go daily and I walk at least two miles. There is one 'catch' with this track. It is, for lack of a better description, suspended on a second floor. The architectural design of this truly is amazing. As you walk you are entertained by the activity around and below. The problem? I'm afraid of heights!

Every day so far it has been a major challenge to go and use this facility. I didn't want to look down on skaters, swimmers, volleyball players, weight trainers, people coming and going in an open hall. I literally have to force my feet to keep moving while my palms sweat and my heart beats quicker (Which of course isn't bad considering I'm there for the cardio!)

There is one small section of the track that resembles a catwalk. It's a narrow, elevated walkway with railings on both sides. Approaching it, my knees always go weak. Yesterday this was my 'Goliath'. Knowing it was taunting me with threats of defeat, I began claiming God's promises.

“(Joy), preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble” Proverbs 3:21-23.

Sound judgment. Good, proper and right assessment.

Discernment. True understanding and perception.

Wearing a necklace of truth, my foot will not stumble walking in God's wisdom. (As an aside, I was wearing my "peace for the journey" necklace from my friend, Elaine. I don't think I'll be leaving home without it these days. A great visual reminder and word of assurance that the Lord brings peace as I walk with Him.)

I walked that track 26 times yesterday and gained glorious victory. Just once I felt that flutter of panic as I glanced over and witnessed a man on scaffolding washing the glass windows at such height, while standing on such a small platform.

Who knows? Maybe one day!

For now, just call me crazy!

(If you think of it today, would you pray for my son, Chris. At 2pm this afternoon he will be trying his A.R.C.T. Solo Performer's piano exam. Two adjudicators will be coming down from the Royal Conservatory of Music and Chris will play for an hour - all by memory! He must receive at least 70% on each piece to pass. Please pray that the Lord will enable him to do his very best and that nothing would confuse, startle, distract or detour him from giving his best performance. He has worked so hard and this is the culmination of 13 years of lessons. It would be so wonderful if he could have this completed now, as his next semester in High School will be very challenging and in the Fall he heads off to University. Thanks for much for your prayers. I think my 'fear not' challenge today will be sitting outside the examination room in peace and enjoying this final performance.)

I Rode An Elevator - TWICE!

2010-01-19T22:01:00.002-05:00

From self preservation to brave determination.

Watching Session Four of Beth Moore’s DVD series on Esther for the third time today, that sentence began to penetrate my thoughts.

Self preservation. An instinctive tendency to protect oneself from harm.

Beth said that we can protect ourselves right out of our callings. We are our own biggest obstacle in overcoming fear.

Fear.

That nasty four letter word that has plagued my life.

Beth said we might be just one brave decision away from our destiny.

For almost 48 years my life has been motivated and manipulated by fear. Every decision has passed through a grid of anxiety. Almost every time, without fail, I have chosen safe and secure.

Can’t go skiing with my family for fear of falling.
Hate being on the boat for fear of drowning.
Refuse to speak up in a group for fear of appearing foolish and not being accepted.
Won’t sit near the front for fear of a panic attack.
Never get in elevators for fear of being stuck or cables breaking.
Don’t stand when speaking for fear of fainting.
Miss out on travelling for fear of flying.
Not booking an airline flight for fear of crashing or hijacking.
Terrified of animals for fear of being bitten.
Didn’t participate in sports when young for fear of being injured.
Awake all night in thunderstorms for fear of lightning striking.
Nervous of every Dr’s appointment for fear of a life-threatening diagnosis and terminal illness.

My list just goes on and on. Each fear breeds another fear. I believe many were taught to me as a child, but that's another story.

This morning Beth encouraged us not to deny the reality of fear, but to deny it’s authority or victory over us. With every decision there is always, ALWAYS, a possibility to be brave. We will never be in a fearful situation where God doesn’t offer us the courage of His presence.

Proverbs 3:10 speaks of the wife of noble character. Beth explained that the original Hebrew word for ‘noble’ used here is an army term that means ‘brave’. A woman of valour who can find? Proverbs 31 is about a courageous woman. Oh, how I want to be a P31 woman.

Funny, I write that and it makes me laugh. Years ago God placed it on my heart to be a P31 Woman. I always thought it meant I needed to move to the States and be part of the P31 Ministry. Thinking now…maybe not.

Ambrose Redman said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgement that there is something more important than fear.”

In His Word, God calls us often to “take courage”. It’s like He has it there, in His hands, available, and He is encouraging us to just reach out and receive it.

Beth said that we decide how good our story is going to be. My story up until this point, although peppered with some profound moments because of a few right choices, is more a lullaby than a symphony. I might only be one good decision away from the most important step in my destiny.

With tears pooling in my eyes, I silently bowed my head.

Father, I long to know what it’s like to live without being held in the tight fist of fear. Lord, from this moment on I want to choose courage. Will You place before me an opportunity today to choose to be brave? Give me strength to live. Really live.

Today was a great day to utter those words. Dad had a repeat of the procedure that began our horrific journey last year. As both my sisters were unable to accompany my parents today, one due to illness and the other due to commitments, the responsibility of their care fell to me. The day went amazingly well. The Lord sent Dad’s favourite nurse from last time to care for him. The surgery went well. It was time to take Dad home. All patients being discharged must leave in a wheelchair. We needed a wheelchair. They were on the main floor. We weren’t on the main floor. It’s pretty much impossible to get a wheelchair up the stairs or on an escalator.

Elevator.

Me on an elevator.

Me and a wheelchair alone on an elevator.

Lord, You know I’m terrified of elevators. I climb multiple flights of stairs and avoid them like the plague. You are extending courage.

Joy…take courage. Take courage.

With each step those words walked before me.

There is never a situation where I cannot choose to be brave.

Me and a wheelchair alone on an elevator.

Doors close.

Surrender.

Pushing a button.

Rising.

Falling.

Up and down.

Trusting.

Doors opening.

Smiles.

Confidence.

Laughter.

Victory.

Faith.

I rode an elevator - twice today.

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All IS Well

2010-01-14T10:56:00.003-05:00

Well, yesterday I received my first e-mail encouraging me to come back. So here I am. I have been most grateful for the time “away”, not physically at some distant location, but time away from the daily demands I had placed on myself here. God had called me to come away and I had to give myself permission to let go and rest. They say music is sweeter after a rest, so I trust the melodies conducted through His hand here now will sound lovelier and more harmonious.

Saying that, I’m afraid today’s tune is punctuated with minor chords. I awoke this morning excited to read God’s Word. I crept silently downstairs, turned on a tri-lamp to a low light, stopped momentarily to ask the Lord to speak His Word to me today, give me ears to listen and then opened my first devotional for the morning.

This year I am reading from two devotional books. One is the classic, “Streams In the Desert” and the other devotional came from a precious friend at Christmas, “Jesus Lives” by Sarah Young.

Here’s my quandary today. What do you do when both readings speak of trials tomorrow? I mean, I know struggles come. None are immune to their appearance in our lives. But here’s the thing. I was feeling great. I was anticipating a wonderful day. I was looking forward to spending time in God’s presence and receiving His blessing. Suddenly, my entire outlook changed. Suddenly fear has me gripped in it’s vice. Suddenly panic presented itself in a quicker pulse, a pounding heartbeat and sweaty palms. God’s Word, which should bring calm, brought confusion. Peace departed. Anxiety entered. I wasn’t aware of any concern in my tomorrow. I am awaiting results from my Doctor, but they should come today. Why did two readings that call me to trust God with the hours before me make me fearful? Do I not really know Him? If I truly embraced His presence, would these words not bring comfort instead of distress? Suddenly these daily readings became a horoscope predicting gloom.

Father, please teach me how to read these treasured writings, apply them and meet You through their pages. Lord, I don’t want to be coming to Your Word in terror each morning. Today I should be thanking You for promises found. Promises of peace. Promises of provision. Promises of protection. Promises of presence. Promises of perseverance. Promises of a prepared path. Promises of power. Promises of purpose. Yet today what I hear loud and clear are Your promises of pain.

Father, I know your children are not exempt from suffering and persecution, but the warnings today in both devotions have left me so anxious. What have I missed? Where have I allowed the evil one to control my thoughts and replace delight with doom?

Using an expression I’ve often heard my mom say, I’m talking to myself like a Dutch uncle. I must remind myself that whatever tomorrow holds, God is already there. He is already in my tomorrow. Time is not the same to God. My ‘tomorrow’ could be years away. My tomorrow may not hold a direct hit, but a coming alongside sorrow. He reminds me that He goes on ahead of me. (John 10:4)

I don’t want to lose the gift of today held captive in the possible grief of tomorrow. Lord, help me not to miss the “splendors of the present moment” as they parade before me. Help me believe in Your sufficiency in every situation. Keep me from worrying about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

Dark is the sky! And veiled the unknown morrow!
Dark is life’s way, for night is not yet o’er;
The longed-for glimpse I may not meanwhile borrow;
But, this I know and trust, HE GOES BEFORE.

Dangers are near! And fears my mind are shaking;
Heart seems to dread what life may hold in store;
But I am His - He knows the way I’m taking,
More blessed even still - HE GOES BEFORE.

Doubts cast their weird, unwelcome shadows o’er me,
Doubts that life’s best - life’s choicest things are o’er;
What but His Word can strengthen, can restore me,
And this blest fact; that still HE GOES BEFORE.

HE GOES BEFORE! Be this my consolation!
He goes before! On this my heart would dwell!
He goes before! This guarantees salvation!
HE GOES BEFORE! And therefore all is well.
J. Danson Smith

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Loud and Heartily

2010-01-04T22:09:00.001-05:00

One of the scenes depicted in the Christmas musical presented at our church this year, was a scene right out of Dickens. Adorable children in old fashioned nightgowns awoke Christmas morning to empty bellies and no presents. The Director of the orphanage tries to encourage the children to look beyond their circumstances. Though the situation appears bleak, maybe if they sang a song loud and heartily the Lord would hear and respond.

The children then sang a song with a chorus that said:

“With a little bit of faith we can do it
With a little bit of hope come what may
And no matter what the test we’ll make it through it
It’s not hard to see the answer’s on its way.”

My thoughts today ponder, what about when it is hard to see the answer on it’s way? What about when circumstances continue to worsen making trust difficult?

God wants us to have faith. Believing faith. The Lord desires singing loud and heartily before the answer arrives. We need to praise and thank the Lord for the answer yet to come.

Faith is taking God at His Word. We don’t learn faith from the easy chair. For faith to grow it must be challenged. Those circumstances that look past the point of no return can be reversed in an instant. Beth Moore says that God is working where we least expect Him. He is working where He is least invited. Faith precedes the turnaround.

Lord, today I specifically think of a situation that seems so far beyond anyone’s control. Thank You that it is not beyond the reach of Your hand. Father help me not to waver through unbelief or pray faith diminishing prayers. Give me faith to keep believing. I’m lifting my voice and singing loud and heartily and waiting for Your response.

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Setting the Pace

2010-01-03T21:30:00.004-05:00

Dad took part in a campaign for our local hospital years ago entitled, “Setting the Pace”. It was a fundraiser that encouraged different companies, organizations and individuals to donate money to expand and equip the existing medical facility. Each one was to ‘set the pace’ by example and excellence, being leaders in advancing technology to the ‘cutting edge’.

I read a verse today that touched my heart. A verse where setting the pace was not about striving harder or raising the bar higher.

“I (will) move along slowly at the pace of the droves before me and that of the children.” Genesis 33:14

Isn't that beautiful? The pace was not set by the swift, or those with the longest stride, but by the slow.

My mind pictures a family at our church. The husband is well over six feet tall. A week ago I walked behind them entering the building from the parking lot. Daddy was carrying the youngest, while their three year old son ‘ran’ at his side. Yes, this precious cherub, with short little legs, was desperately trying to keep up with his daddy. Thankfully they didn’t have far to go, as I could see exhaustion, discontent and distraction already changing to whining and complaining.

Today the Lord knows how you and I are formed and remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103:14) With the entrance of a new year, He is well aware you and I have not walked this path before. He will move us along at a pace He knows we can handle. If we feel the pace pick up, it's because He already knows we’ll make it. He’ll either strengthen us for the footsteps required or suddenly halt the journey, understanding our need for rest, knowing right now, we just can’t take any more or go any further. Such compassion and consideration for each day’s journey. The Lord knows and the Lord knows how.

Father, I will walk alongside You this year. I will allow You to set the pace. Sometimes we’ll stroll. Other times we’ll run. But always…always…hand-in-hand.

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Aspire Higher

2010-01-02T21:31:00.003-05:00

My son and his friends saw the movie “Up”. Apparently, the main character, Carl, realizes that sometimes life's biggest adventures aren't the ones you set out to find. Often the adventure lies not in the destination, but in the journey.

This morning the Lord woke me early to spend time with Him. In His presence He was calling me ‘up’. Asking me to choose to live above. More than a movie marquee, this word needs to be a morning by morning mentality. Refusing to be satisfied with the meagre and mediocre, I must aspire higher.

I’ve always been afraid of heights. I’ve never climbed a tree or scaled a mountain. I don’t ride roller-coasters, sit in balcony’s, enter elevators, look over railings or wear high heels. Yet, more than the physical fear of heights, it has smothered and stifled spiritual ascent as well. I linger in lowlands, terrified of mountain peaks. As expressed in “Streams in the Desert”, I too often stay in the mist of the valley and never learn the mystery of the hills. I indulge self, never knowing the glory that accompanies the courage of the climb.

One of my favourite quotes of A. W. Tozer says, “Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise up and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wondered so long.”

Lord, is there a mountain You desire that I climb? I’ve always enjoyed pictures of mountains. It’s the terrain of Switzerland that has always captivated and lured my heart. May I not be satisfied with scenes or pacified with photographs.

I desire to live “up”. Physically that means living free of my fear of heights and learning the mystery of the mountain by finding courage to say ‘yes’ to opportunities that are bigger than me, but not bigger than God. It means abiding by His heart. Mentally “up” involves a mind renewal. Emotionally it would result in rejoicing in the Lord always.

Not just adjustment in altitude, but attitude.
A new outlook from position and dispostion.

Father, remove my longing for level ground. There’s an inspirational incline calling my name. I desire all my tomorrows find me looking down on today. May each day bring me higher.

God’s Word says that there is victory for the upright (Prov.2:7).

Remember the land God told me to take possession of yesterday? Today He is saying, “For the upright will live in the land.” (Proverbs 2:21)

“I want to scale the utmost height,
And catch a gleam of glory bright;
But still I’ll pray, till heaven I’ve found,
Lord, lead me on to higher ground.”
(Johnson Oatman, Jr.)

And now...just for a little fun:

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Live, Love, Laugh

2010-01-01T22:55:00.002-05:00

Live Love Laugh

I’ve seen decorative signs with those three words so often.

Words without meaning to me…until today.

Today I did all three.

Today I gave myself permission to abandon agenda.

I awoke shortly after 7am. I quietly crept downstairs to a dimly lit corner to commune with the Lord while my guys slumbered. I was struggling with letting go of 2009. Why I’d want to hold on is beyond me, yet surrendering it to yesterday and embracing today was frightening me. What would 2010 hold?

The Lord heard my questions, and opening my devotional I read, “To those who are anxious comes the gracious promise…He is the Source of our mercies, mercy will never fail us.” “The Father comes near to take our hand and lead us on our way today. It will be a good and blessed New Year.” “The land you are…to take possession of…it is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to it’s end.” (Deut.11:11-12)

Reading this, and even remembering it now, His power permeates my entire being, empowering me to trust. I decided I would live today to the full, filled with His fullness.

I did three loads of laundry. Ironed 15 dress shirts. (My two men like to look nice!)Washed a sink full of dishes by hand. Took time to prepare a special lunch for my guys. Wrote eight hand-written, snail mail notes to friends. My guys and I played a game of Scrabble. Words, imagined and real appeared to squeals of delight. Dictionaries were consulted. Dictionaries were questioned. Dictionaries were discarded. I threw my head back and laughed so hard. Laughter has been such a stranger. I honestly can’t remember the last time I knew such unbridled joy. I watched a couple of movies tonight just for the sheer pleasure of doing so. They didn't have a lesson or a moral. They were just fun. Around 9pm, I made a cup of tea, just for me. Serious and sensible were surrendered for silly.

Free from pressures, expectations, perfection and pleasing others. Releasing myself from personal mandates, deadlines and commitments. Today I lived…I loved…I laughed.

No longer an alliteration on a decorative plaque.

Words that breathe, feel and dance.

Words that held me in their embrace today.

I think this will be my theme song for 2010.

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Clearer Vision

2009-12-31T07:06:00.004-05:00

“Then I saw…” Revelation 21:1

Just as John shared his visions of “a new heaven and a new earth”, I’ve been reflecting over all the Lord has shown me this past year as I’ve walked daily through His Word. I too have seen the Lord in the pages of Genesis to Revelation.

I believe Aaron Jeoffrey says it best in his writing, “He Is”. As you read the following, stop and pause. Have you met Him on each line and in each phrase as we've walked a sacred journey this year?

He Is
by Aaron Jeoffrey

In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our High Priest
Numbers, The fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Moses' voice
In Joshua, He is salvation's choice
Judges, law giver
In Ruth, the kinsmen-redeemer
First and Second Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles, He's sovereign
Ezra, the true and faithful scribe
Nehemiah, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms, He is our morning song
In Proverbs, wisdom's cry
Ecclesiastes, the time and season
In the Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
He is, He is, HE IS!
In Isaiah, He's Prince of Peace
Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
In Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, He's the call from sin
In Daniel, the stranger in the fire
In Hosea, He is forever faithful
In Joel, He's the Spirits power
In Amos, the arms that carry us
In Obadiah, He's the Lord our Savior
In Jonah, He's the great missionary
In Micah, the promise of peace
In Nahum, He is our strength and our shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's pleading for revival
In Haggai, He restores a lost heritage
In Zechariah, our fountain
In Malachi, He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
He is, He is, HE IS!
In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, He is God, Man, Messiah
In the book of Acts, He is fire from heaven
In Romans, He's the grace of God
In Corinthians, the power of love
In Galatians, He is freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servants heart
In Colossians, He's the Godhead Trinity
Thessalonians, our coming King
In Timothy, Titus, Philemon He's our mediator and our faithful Pastor
In Hebrews, the everlasting covenant
In James, the one who heals the sick.
In First and Second Peter, he is our Shepherd
In John and in Jude, He is the lover coming for His bride
In the Revelation, He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords
He is, He is, HE IS!
The prince of peace
The Son of man
The Lamb of God
The great I AM
He's the alpha and omega
Our God and our Savior
He is Jesus Christ the Lord and when time is no more
He is, HE IS!

As I've pondered all the ways that I have seen the Lord this year, another truth has been unveiled. I saw the Lord, but He also saw me. He saw the days I awoke extra early, anticipating His Word with excitement. He saw the days when sun had almost set before I made time for Him. He saw each joy and sorrow. He heard each laugh and held each tear. He captured each thought and knew each word. He never took His eyes off of me for one second. He was my Beginning and End of 2009.

Sharing with you over this past year has been a pure delight. You have so often been champion, encourager, listener, accountability partner, prayer warrior, teacher, but most of all friend. It's hard saying 'goodbye', yet it's to answer a call to God's new 'hello'.

"I'm not sure anything has ever been harder for me - the utterance of goodbyes, the playing out of them, their finality, their void, their distance. Yet there are some distances, some chasms, some signing offs that are purely necessary for life to blossom. Certain things...keep us from new hellos. They deserve a farewell." "Still we cling because the...familiar is often more comfortable than the foreign amazing." (Kelly Minter, "No Other Gods")

God is asking me to take hold of the passing of a new torch for next years race. Just as each Olympic runner only holds this symbol of the race for a brief time, the igniting of the flame of our life is short. Our days are numbered. The distance of each run already determined. We must run with excellence and obedience. The Lord is leading down a different path for 2010, but one day I pray I'll meet you all at the Finish Line. Let's keep running to win.

"As surely as the ones which passed - we've miles left to go
Despite your inconsistencies, Oh, child, I'll love you so
You'll one day hold this journal, too and think of where you've been
Ink-filled pages tying those beginnings to their ends
You'll find those same old words - they'll puzzle you again
Lined face will sigh and wonder,
'And I thought I loved you then.'"
(Beth Moore, final stanza of "The Journal".)

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.
Amen. So be it. Amen.

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Momentary Rapture

2009-12-30T08:24:00.002-05:00

“Come with me” Revelation 17:1

“There is a place where Jesus sheds
The oil of gladness on our heads;
A place than all besides more sweet,
It is the blood-bought mercy seat.”
From the hymn, “From Every Stormy Wind that Blows” by Hugh Stowell

It was a year ago I heard God’s call to “come with Me”.

Come with Me, through the pages of My Word. Take a journey from Paradise Lost to Paradise Found. Beyond the people, events and history, meet Me afresh. Go deeper into My heart. Discover Me anew.

As the year closes the Lord is repeating His call. A call to come deeper still. Another invitation is being extended. His desire that He might refill me with His Spirit, renew me with His love, refresh me with His presence, refocus my priorities, revive my heart, restore my vision, and remove sinful thoughts and ways.

We all need regular, repeated times of rest, refreshment and renewal. Life can rob us of life and we need to retreat into Christ. To the extent that we live in His presence, we are filled with His joy.

Just as God told Noah to build, Daniel to pray, Jonah to go, Joshua to march, Rahab to hide, Moses to leave, His call to me is come.

Answering the call to a daily, momentary rapture.

Risking my heart to rediscover You.

The Call of the Wild

2009-12-29T06:52:00.003-05:00

“And the woman fled into the wilderness, where God had prepared a place to care for her for 1,260 days” Revelation 12:6

The wilderness. A place of spiritual refuge and protection.

I’m feeling the call to flee into a place of wilderness. A place where I must walk alone, where amazing things are hidden and require deep digging.

For the past 363 days thus far, I have been committed to sharing His Word here as I’ve pondered in His presence. I am so thankful to God’s faithfulness and humbled by His invitation to share my heart in this way. It has been quite a journey and has carried me through the seasons of 2009 well. Every paragraph, sentence and word has flowed from a heart seeking Him alone. But now the wilderness beckons.

The treasure in the wilderness? God. The wilderness purifies the soul of everything that hinders our relationship with God and our ability to serve Him. The Lord is asking me the same two questions He asked Hagar in the desert, “…where have you come from, and where are you going?”

As 2009 is drawing to a close, God is asking me to stand on my “red dot”, my current place of location, and take a look at where I am. Just like those mall maps indicate position with a “red dot” proclaiming, “You are here”, the Lord desires that I assess, answer and then accept His invitation and come away. My wilderness experience will become my identity. God is asking me to see Him as all sufficient. The One who supplies. He is protector and provider and will be all the resource needed for the wilderness.

I’m reminded of Deuteronomy 8 where God led His people through the wilderness. A place where God revealed hearts, humbled, increased hunger, fed in ways that thrilled, disciplined and tested. He bought them out, to bring them in.

In to His presence, purposes and promised land. There is so much that God needs to work on, and in me, so that I can emerge pure and prepared for ministry.

Christ entered His wilderness full of the Spirit and came out in the power of the Spirit. Father, my prayer is that I may do the same.

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Sealed

2009-12-28T07:56:00.002-05:00

For Renee. Love ya friend.

"And I saw another angel coming up from the east, carrying the seal of the living God." Rev.7:2

According to the NLT Life Application Bible, a seal on a scroll or document identified and protected its contents.

My mind recalls just a few days ago while my son was writing Christmas cards. He had purchased three special cards, and after signing them, he was searching the bag for the "gold crown" seal that Hallmark always supplies with each card purchase. This time the saleslady had forgotten. There were no stickers in the bag. My son was so disappointed. He wanted that final fastener fixed. A declaration of identification, completion and authenticity.

There is another crown that declares identification, completion and authenticity as well. It is a seal of assurance and security. It establishes our salvation and confirms our heritage. It is a crown of thorns. This symbol of redemption reminds us of Christ's sacrfice, suffering and promises.

God places His own seal upon our lives, declaring we are His own, guaranteeing His protection over our souls. We are of great value to Him, and nothing can touch us, or pass His seal on our lives, that He doesn't allow.

If you have received Christ as your Savior, you can rest assured today that God's seal on you has been firmly fastened. You are held secure, identified as His, and no-one else can break His seal over your life. Absolutely nothing can disturb that seal without His permission. Your life is contained by His.

Wake Up Call

2009-12-27T07:20:00.002-05:00

“Wake up!” Revelation 3:2

Can I be brutally honest and admit that I wasn’t looking forward to reading the book of Revelation? There’s so much I question and don’t fully understand. I like “feel good” passages and scripture that challenges my daily walk and calls me to a deeper commitment, but I struggle with comprehending much of the teaching in this final book of God’s Word. Yet, today, my heart is so full, I hardly know where to begin. God definitely has woken me from apathy to John’s inspired writing here.

Today’s reading began with a call to “Wake up!” God is calling us not to sleep on the pillow of past accomplishments. Don’t be chronic reminiscer’s, but vibrantly alive with a weekly God story. God is speaking. Calling us from yesterdays longing of contentment to today’s yearning for holiness.

Do we need to summon spiritual smelling salts? We can’t drift into spiritual vibrancy. It takes a drastic move on our part. Are we awake? Faith that acts alive IS alive. God says that those who are awake, “walk with me” (vs. 4). WOW!

Revelation 3:8 tells us that God has “opened a door” for us. He has placed before us an open door. New possibilities. I don’t want to be known as one who had potential, but as one who seized opportunities. Any thresholds I need to cross today?

No “lukewarm” faith that was evidenced in the church of Laodicea, described in Revelation 3:16. Are you aware of the geographical position of Laodicea? It is located between Colossae, a place with snow peaks, and Hierapolis, known for it’s hot springs. Hot is therapeutic and cold is refreshing, but, in between, lukewarm is useless. The church there was described as “blind” and “naked”. They were a leading country in the areas of eye care and clothing. They said they were rich (vs. 17), but there is a wealth that leads to spiritual poverty.

The Lord says, let Me come in and dine with you (vs. 20). The original word used here is translated “dinner”, not breakfast or lunch. Dining implies lingering long and sharing fellowship around the table. That’s God’s desire.

Oh friends, let’s heed God’s morning alarm call to wake up from coasting and complacency, finishing this year with renewed commitment and enthusiasm. A door stands open before us today.

(Some thoughts today inspired by a couple of different messages I've heard my Pastor, Pastor Rick Baker, share over five years ago.)

Our Keeper

2009-12-26T07:06:00.001-05:00

“Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you…” Jude 24

God’s promises are practical and personal. He is able to keep you. Keep you.

It’s a continued action. He retains possession. He prevents. He perseveres. He provides. He protects. He maintains. He supplies. He sustains. He supports.

However, being able to do these things does not guarantee that He will. God is ready and willing, but we must continue to look to Him in trust and obedience. There is never a deficiency in His power, but there may be in our faith.

I love how the book of Jude begins and ends with God’s keeping power. “I am writing to all who have been called by God the Father, who loves you and keeps you safe in the care of Jesus Christ.” (vs.1) This keeping power is not just a benediction (vs. 24), but an invocation, as He invites us to trust His keeping ability.

Remember today that you are as secure as God is able.

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There

2009-12-25T05:00:00.004-05:00

“Please give my personal greetings to each of our friends there.” 3 John 15

Personal greetings to each of our friends “there”.

This morning my thoughts wander to another ‘there’.

“And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.” Luke 2:6

"There". A place of new beginnings.

“There”. The place were God has positioned you right now. A place of promise, provision and purpose.

Where is your “there”?

As I reflect back over this year, my “there” found our family walking unwanted paths this year. My Dad was hospitalized for eight months and our time “there” taught us patience and trust. Our “there” ushered in questions, pain and confusion, but also deeper trust and faith.

“There” also required dependence on God this year as my husband's job hung in the balance for awhile. We are so thankful that he is still employed by General Motors.

Physically my health brought challenges in another place of “there”, but God was so kind to intervene and restore.

“There” also finds my son seeking guidance for University next fall. We are praying for God’s “there” to be revealed as he sends out applications for further study.

In the next month my son will also complete his A.R.C.T. solo performer’s exam and we marvel that the Lord has brought him “there”.

Some family concerns continue to call us to walk a “there” that has us seeking God alone. Circumstances not our choice, yet still allowed through God’s sovereignty and grace.

A “there” with several new friendships has brought much delight, as God has placed us purposefully in the lives of others.

In the verse above, Mary’s place of “there” was a place of deliverance. There is something God desires to release in us, through us and around us in our place of “there”.

I pray that today will find you “there”.
“There” beside the manger.
“There” surrendered to His will.
“There” receiving God’s promise.
“There” listening to His heartbeat.
“There” surrendered in obedience.
“There” kneeling before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
“There” held in His embrace.

My prayers are with you in your place of “there”. Know wherever you are, you are loved…much loved.

Merry Christmas and God's richest blessings. May His presence be your best present today and always.

(I just read the following blog post written by my friend Leah at "The Point". Please click over and read her thoughts. She is sharing the names of God, and here she shares about Jehovah-shammah, "The Lord is there".)

The Real Deal

2009-12-24T11:37:00.002-05:00

“Our actions show that we belong to the truth…” 1 John 3:19

In the last 24 hours, I’ve consciously held my tongue four times. Four times I’ve had opportunity to respond in a way that, although true, would truly serve no purpose, except to justify self. Four times I’ve had to pray for the Holy Spirit to guard my lips.

Almost seven years ago now, my Pastor shared a sermon entitled, “Are You the Real Deal?” In his message he shared four proofs that serve as tests of authenticity. We find those proofs in our reading today.

1. Right Choices: The Moral Test (1 John 2:3-6)
Too often our tendency is to be selective in our obedience. We do what is easy and convenient or what seems “important”. We obey “Thou shall not murder” and “Thou shall not steal”, but what about tithing or stealing someone else’s reputation? Each act of obedience moves us one step closer to Jesus.

2. Right Love: The Social Test (1 John 2:7-17)
A selfless love saves you from stumbling (2:10). A seductive love leads you to sin (2:15-17). A couple of tests for true love are found in answering the following two questions: How easily am I offended? And “How quickly do I diminish other’s accomplishments?

3. Right Belief: The Doctrinal Test (1 John 2:18-28) We are to remain in community (2:19); remain in original teaching (2:24); and remain in Christ (2:24,27).

4. Right Living: The Parentage Test (1 John 2:29-3:10)
We should show evidence of some family resemblance. The DNA of God is placed in us at salvation and it cannot be removed. Does my life reflect my Father?

Jesus obeyed the Father, loved people, believed doctrine and lived right. Our life is the best proof of Christianity. Are you the "real deal"?

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Know Him

2009-12-23T08:07:00.002-05:00

“…know him…” 2 Peter 1:3

I’ve been on an intentional, concentrated journey to “know Him” through His Word, since January 1st of this year. There is such a vast difference between knowing about God and actually knowing God. One is head, the other is heart. Our lives change when the knowledge of God’s Word is received with understanding and personalized and applied.

I had a friend encourage me years ago to stop attending Christian conferences, stop reading Christian literature and start living. Although her directive may seem a bit harsh, I was well aware of the point she was trying to make. It is tragic, that as believers, we can sometimes have so much spiritual education with so little true understanding. So much learning and so little life.

There’s an old hymn that I just love. The chorus says, “Jesus I am resting in the joy of what Thou art, I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart.”

Have you been finding out that greatness this year? Do you know Him better today, than yesterday? Not because you’ve read more, but because you’ve experienced more.

I want to share a poem with you today that I wrote back in February of 2005. I’m sure most of you reading this, whether you’ve received Jesus into your heart or not, are familiar with the childhood chorus, “Jesus Loves Me”. That song is profound. As children probably many of us learned that song quickly and sang it easily, but has the message truly penetrated your life? Do you really know Him and have you personally experienced His love for you?

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
How often I have sung those words
My mind believes, my hearts not heard

I long to feel His warm embrace
Or look into His precious face
To see His smile, sense His touch
And yet I feel I ask too much

So many times I've claimed this truth
For others, and I've seen it proved
But for myself I can't believe
And in my heart His love receive

For who am I to ask for this
Awaken with the Kings own kiss
A love that's found in fairytales
But on the cross became the nails

Oh, can't I see He died for me
For me He came to set me free
He calls me now to be His bride
Oh why still do I run and hide

Ashamed of how my life has been
The secrets only He has seen
The darkest places of my heart
He really wants to love that part?

My child, I love you as you are
You never can wander out so far
That My love does not woo you still
It is your heart I long to fill

With all of Me, My hopes and dreams
I have plans for you you've never seen
Stop trying now to understand
Just reach out and take My hand

With trembling soul I looked at Him
And suddenly all else grew dim
How could I doubt the love I saw
That beckoned me closer to draw

Oh Lord, I said, You've waited long
For me to know, accept this song
You love me, yes, You really do
And Father, Savior, I love You.

(Joy Brown, February 2005)

Praying you will truly "know Him" and His love for you today.

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Cast Away

2009-12-22T08:34:00.005-05:00

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7

While looking up this verse on BibleGateway, I noticed that most translations use the word “cast” in place of “give”. Give is to place; cast is to project. Give is a transfer; cast is a throwing. Give is to cause to have; cast is to cause to hurl. 'Cast’ seems to be accompanied with more force and desire. There’s a deep longing to rid oneself of the burden of concern.

I don’t know about you, but my fishing line often gets tangled. Instead of casting, I keep. My life gets bound and overwhelmed with all that I need to surrender and cast away. Why? Because too often I hold the “line” too long. Casting implies a quick, sudden motion. I need to take my concerns to God immediately. Holding onto and meditating on cares only increases the burden to my heart.

We don’t throw away, but we throw onto. We don’t run away, but we run into. We reject the worry, refuse to be burdened with anxiety and rest in the Lord.

I awoke this morning around 5am. Many worries and cares have filled my mind. I have a friend who is not only waiting for Dr’s results for herself, but caring for her mom just coming through surgery, adjusting to life after recently adopting a little girl, making deadlines for a book publication, travelling with speaking opportunities, the busyness of being a wife and mother of three children, and she just heard news that her dad requires quadruple bypass open heart surgery tomorrow. God is saying, cast all your cares on Me.

My heart was saddened yesterday upon hearing that another friend lost her dad very unexpectedly on the weekend. He had gone to the church to turn on the heat in preparation for Sunday’s services, and upon returning home he commented to his wife that he wasn’t feeling well and moments later he was gone. God is saying, cast all your cares on Me.

Another friend very recently lost her son to cancer. He was only 12 years old. It was a horrendous four month battle. Although he is now completely healed, this families life is forever changed. God is saying, cast all your cares on Me.

Yet another friend has expressed that the previous 7 days have felt like 30! The death of two precious people, the death of a marriage, a friend's job loss, a friend with some serious health news, a single mom with complicated health issues while battling custody issues, another single mom with custody issues, and she says believe it or not the list goes on. God is saying, cast all your cares on Me.

I travel a personal path not burden free either. Daily worry fills my mind. Health concerns. Questions about my son’s future. Economic and employment related anxieties. Relationship struggles. The weight of unsaved family and friends. The stress of the season. A prodigal nephew living contrary to God’s Word. God is saying, cast all your cares on Me.

Psalm 55:22 echoes this directive. “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and He shall sustain thee: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Father, sometimes it's impossible to find enough strength to cast. Our concerns have left us weak and overwhelmed. Thank You that if we just breathe the word, You enable the release. Father...they are Yours. Thank You for caring for me.

PS. Since originally posting this writing, I have learned another lesson. After writing the above, I decided to put my own words into practice. I physically began going through the motion of 'casting' my cares onto the Lord. I made a discovery. I'm good at the casting out, but unfortunately even better at the reeling back in. The Lord only calls us to cast. Needing to leave my 'line' out at sea.

Eat Up!

2009-12-21T19:17:00.002-05:00

"Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness." 1 Peter 2:2-3

Taste and see that the Lord is good. It's an individual, personal tasting. Second-hand savoring isn't good enough.

God's Word provides all the nourishment we need and the more we feed on His truths the more our spiritual appetite will increase. One way to mature in Christ is by feasting on His Word. Nibbling and sampling doesn't suffice. As my Pastor shared in a sermon once, God's banqueting table is full. Every imaginable delicacy is available. Are you coming hungry in need of His filling? There is no need to ever walk away empty. He is our constant supply.

Life for today requires the provision of God today. Yesterday's manna will not satisfy. Apetite is developed through consistancy. Daily intake prevents spiritual starvation. Sadly, we too often eat out of habit, and not out of hunger. Asking the Lord to increase my desire for Him, so that I will have a constant craving. With desire comes the delight of knowing that God is more than enough.

"Every one who thirsts, come to the waters;...Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And delight yourself in abundance." Isaiah 54:1-2

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Listen With Your Face

2009-12-20T07:06:00.002-05:00

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith". Hebrews 12:2

A friend of mine was visiting with her daughter one afternoon, and as they shared some precious time of fellowship together, her 2 year old grandson played nearby. At one point the little fellow had something he wanted to tell his mommy. He called for her several times, but his mom was so caught up in her conversation, she appeared unaware of his voice that continued to gain volume, demanding her attention. In frustration, he managed to hoist his short legs up onto the couch where his mother was sitting, and standing on the cushions in front of her, he cupped her face in his sweet hands and said, 'Mommy, listen with your face'!

After hearing this story and enjoying a chuckle, I began to wonder how many times the Lord has called my name and tried to get my attention and He's been met with no response. Does He long to hold my face tenderly in His Hands and call me to "listen with my face"? When He speaks, am I really attentive or do I only give half an ear to His voice. Are distractions causing me to look away, or am I always gazing intently into my Saviors face? Has the noise of this world caused me to become hard of hearing and has His voice become a dull murmur that I ignore? Hebrews 12:25 says, "Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking."

In the Gospels we read about Peter walking on the water. He heard Christ's voice and in exuberance Peter leaps over the side of the boat and without hesitation begins defying all laws of physics as his feet are supported by the sea. Suddenly the reality of his circumstance crashes as the waves around him, and he begins to sink. He calls out to the Lord and immediately Jesus rescues his heart from its drowning faith.

In a more modern day illustration, consider 'Maggie Carpenter' in the movie, "Runaway Bride". As long as 'Maggie' kept her eyes on the groom waiting for her at the altar she continued walking down the aisle, but the moment she was distracted by the guests in the church, she turned and ran.

All three of these stories remind us where we should fix our eyes. We are the Bride of Christ and He is our Bridegroom. If we keep our gaze focused on Christ, situations around us may threaten or call for our attention, but as we look to Jesus, we will discover He will more than supply our every need. He will strengthen our faith, remove our fear and give us direction.

What is the Lord trying to tell you today? When He calls your name, give Him your undivided attention and "listen with your face".

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Together

2009-12-19T22:47:00.006-05:00

"...let us not neglect our meeting together..." Hebrews 10:25

Today we did not neglect meeting together. A few years ago we decided to start having our Christmas dinner a week before Christmas so that Christmas day could be more relaxing. Relatives all still come over on Christmas day, but our focus is faith, fellowship, fun and family, not frenzy, frantic and food.

Here are a few pictures from tonight. Hope you enjoy!

The table is set and ready to welcome family.

My sister and her husband delivered an edible bouquet. Delicious!

The gangs all here!

Chris and his "friend girl" Stephanie. He obviously was thinking of her while he decorated his gingerbread house! Cute!

Chris and Steph opening surprise gifts from "Santa".

The moment of discovery.

"Highschool Girl" and "Highschool Boy" t-shirts. (They sign all their notes to one another with these signatures.)

Checking out the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie trailer.

Those Chipmunks are hilarious!

My sister Japhia and I.

A happy time of celebration. Thank you Lord for family and friends.

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How's Your Grip?

2009-12-18T22:29:00.002-05:00

“…let us hold firmly to what we believe.” Hebrews 4:14

Holding tightly to his hand, we navigated our way through the crowd. My grip on my young son was prompted by a sea of people and the fear of separation. Love wrapped itself around his palm and held on.

Another day I remember that same hold after a night of freezing rain. Driving to school was impossible. Walking was treacherous. With his little hand in mine we slid across slippery sidewalks. He was confident I wouldn’t let him fall.

Tempted to disobey, I reached over and took his hand. No, he couldn’t run over there. It was dangerous. For safety’s sake, my grip tightened. Safety from peril and sin would cue my clasp.

The verse above has caused me to access my grip on God. Is it secure? Is it a resolute hold? Is my following with firm determination? The same obstacles threaten to pry my life from His grip of grace.

Sea of people
Separation
Slippery sidewalks
Sin

Father, help me hold firmly to You. Just last night my heart was sickened by the sight of one who let go. Their life no longer following the belief they once embraced. Lord, don’t let anything or anyone pry our hands apart. When other things and other people want to hold my hand, give me courage not to make that exchange. Strengthen my grip through Your Word…through prayer…through experience. Let me hold firmly to what I believe. Let me hold tight to You.

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His Rest

2009-12-17T06:15:00.004-05:00

“…God set another time for entering his rest, and that time is today.” Hebrews 4:7

Rest. Peace. Ease. Refreshment. Sleep. Relief from anything distressing. Inactivity. Mental and emotional calm. Tranquillity. It can also be defined as a place of shelter. Something that offers support. Silence or pause in a piece of music. What is left after part is taken away. Remainder.

If your life is anything like mine right now, it is not characterized by rest. Chaos and stress may better define your days. Hurried and harassed, your worn, worry and weary are fuelling exhaustion. The Christmas season is anything but restful.

Shopping. Wrapping. Writing. Mailing. Cooking. Preparing. Decorating. Cleaning. Visiting. Hosting. Going. Doing. No time for slowing and stopping. Robbed of rest we become discouraged and overwhelmed. Difficulties momentarily overshadow the reality of God’s presence, power, peace and promises. Uncertainties and unexpected arrive unannounced and we are unprepared.

How I long for rest, not only personally, but for several dear friends. Rest from the burden of care. Rest from the pain of separation. Rest from the ache of loss. Rest from the anxiety of the unknown. Rest from the doubt of possibility. Rest from the longing for love. Rest from the uncertainty of the economic situation. Rest from the concern over children. Rest from the strain of caring for elderly parents. Rest from the challenges in waking up every morning. Rest from the fear of failure. Rest from expectations, real and imagined.

A precious friend’s e-mail yesterday expressed this yearning for release. She wrote: “I am so weary and worn. I just want a week off from no trials and just enjoy the holiday, can you relate? I feel like I am too tired to even worry…I just want to go to sleep.”

Another friend writes of being "overwhelmed", her "mind cluttered", "crying for no reason", not understanding herself, and wondering if she is all alone. "I'm working a lot. Finances are tight. Everyone needs me and I'm depleted...I have too much on my plate."

Even early this morning I have read of three other friends expressing the following: "I need some sustaining now...The travel from last week has caught up with me." "I found myself thinking to myself alot yesterday 'WHY ME?! Why do I have to be the one that is going through this, especially right now at Christmas?' Why did God ask me to do this extremely hard thing?" "I have been up praying for my life."

We can know earthly rest, eternal rest and everlasting rest. Lord, I pray that You will fill my friends with peace that passes understanding. Your Word says that You give your beloved rest. Lord, may these dear ones trust in Your strength to enable them to let go and trust completely in You. In the midst of todays trials, may Your Spirit minister bringing hope and encouragement. Resign all into His hands. What seems difficult now is part of His plan. May God reveal Himself to you in new ways. Do not be afraid. Hold firmly to His Word. Do not walk the path of human reason. You are in His embrace. As I was so wonderfully reminded this morning, "He sustains everything by the mighty power of His command" Hebrews 1:3.

Let Him sustain you. The time to enter His rest is today. Leaning on Him, be still.

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Serving or Servant

2009-12-16T05:55:00.002-05:00

"No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everday life, so that he many please the one who enlisted him as a soldier." 2 Timothy 2:4

This Sunday will find me on the floor surrounded by precious little three year olds. It was just over a year ago now that my Pastor happened to mention a necessity for more workers in the area of Children's Ministries. I attend a fairly large, active, growing church and with the increase in attendance brings the need for a greater number of teachers in all our programs.

As my husband and I drove home from church that morning, I must confess to complaining in the car. I was annoyed that in a church our size we didn't have a superfluity of workers. Our demand does not exceed our supply - at least not in numbers, but maybe in willingness. I was discouraged, as once again the saying appeared to be true - 10% of the people were doing 90% of the work. After grumbling for a few moments, I decided I should keep my mouth shut. After all, I wasn't teaching in Children's Ministries!

As that Sunday afternoon wore on, I felt the Lord calling me to be open to the idea of being an answer to this need. At first I argued that although I wasn't serving in this area, I was involved in Women's Ministry and leading Bible Study. The Lord just didn't seem to accept that excuse, and by the time I was heading to bed that evening, I felt strongly convicted that I needed to respond.

To confirm God's prompting, my devotional the following morning was entitled, "We Serve God by Serving Others". All day Monday it was my intention to contact our Children's Ministry Pastor, but busyness and the tyranny of the urgent crowded out my obedience. As the day was ending I thought I had better make a list of where and when I would be available to serve. You see, my husband and I attend the early service together, so I wanted to help during the 11:00am hour. I'm not really a 'baby' person, so I definitely didn't want to work in the nursery - my diaper days were over! We have a trailer at Muskoka Bible Conference Center, so I didn't want to have to give up my summer weekends. My list continued to get longer and longer. I had quite a few stipulations. As I crawled into bed, I tucked my 'wish list' (maybe more my 'list of demands') in my Bible, promising the Lord I would send an e-mail first thing in the morning.

Bright and early Tuesday morning I reached for my laptop. True to my word, I was going to send that message and oh, how pleased everyone would be with my willingness. I was responding to God's call. As I pulled out the list I had written hours earlier, I opened my e-mail to send my message and an on-line devotional had arrived. I clicked into it. God's timing was unbelievable. The key verse might as well have been in LARGE BOLD letters. This is what I read, "No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everday life, so that he many please the one who enlisted him as a soldier." 2 Timothy 2:4

The devotional went on to say that real servants make themselves available and don't limit their availability. The author wrote, "If you only serve when it's convenient for you, you're not a real servant. Are you available to God anytime? As a servant you don't get to pick and choose when or where you will serve. Being a servant means giving up the right to control your schedule and allowing God to interrupt it whenever He needs to."

With tears streaming down my face I looked at my list of demands still held in my hand. Oh Father, how could I? I am so ashamed for my lack of surrender. Wasn't it just days ago I wrote, "You are my Passion", and I told You it was my desire to say, "To the ends of the earth I will follow, there is NOTHING that I wouldn't do"? Already self had taken the throne once again.

With complete humility and abandonment I did write that e-mail. Not the one I had originally planned. I shared that if they could use me, I would be available whenever and wherever.

There is a vast difference between serving and being a servant. One is self-motivated, the other is in response to the love for the One you are serving. One is a duty, the other a delight. One feels more like an obligation, while the other springs from a heart of obedience. One is a responsibility, the other refreshes. While serving, quite often we're looking for something to gain, while being a servant is all about giving.

Is God calling you to some area of ministry? It doesn't have to be in the church. Whatever and whenever God summons you, can you willingly follow? God isn't looking for you to be doing more, but joyfully being used in the plans and purposes He designed for you before you were born. Have you given God a conditional offer, or are you allowing Him to cultivate in you a true servants heart?

The week after volunteering, God had me teaching a room full of precious little 3 year olds...at 11am...on a rotation basis of once every five weeks. Do you see how He perfectly looked after all of my desires as well? He's not out to make life miserable for us by placing us in areas that don't coincide with the gifts and personality He has given us. He knows us better than we know ourselves and as He calls us to be His servants and follow His example in sweet surrender, He is maturing us and changing our character into His likeness. Oh if I would only trust Him more.

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Be Rich

2009-12-15T19:36:00.002-05:00

“They should be rich…” 1 Timothy 6:18

I want to “be rich”, not I want to “get rich”.

In what does the Lord desire for us to be rich? My Pastor encouraged us from God’s Word at the beginning of this year, to be rich in four areas:

Be rich in contentment.
Be rich in faith.
Be rich in hope.
Be rich in good deeds.

To be rich in God, I must first recognize His value. Where do I invest my interest, time, passion and knowledge? Gaze at God. Spend time with Him. To invest in God is a sure investment. I must learn to live my life fully in front of the panicked, paranoid and paralyzed.

Do I truly comprehend the value of what is already mine? Lord, You have blessed me abundantly. The numbers in my bank account may not signify worldly wealth, but I am storing up for myself treasures in heaven. Father, may You alone satisfy me with Yourself.

“All I have in You, is more than enough.”

Yes, I am a millionaire!

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What's Age Got To Do With It?

2009-12-14T21:23:00.004-05:00

Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

Earlier this year my son was offered a specific ministry opportunity, but because he felt he was too young to respond he missed out on doing something he thoroughly enjoys. How we need to find that balance between encouragement and expectation. To spur our children on to greatness without demanding genius. We want our young people to live to their full potential without being paralyzed by perfectionism.

Just a couple of days ago I was admitting I was a perfectionist. My standards are high and I am most likely my own worst enemy.

I read recently of a would-be author being questioned by a psychologist. The psychologist asked the writer the following question, “You can write a good book, can’t you?” She said, paraphrased, the true question here was “Do you have to do something great? Can you be happy to do something really good?” The desire for great disables and dismisses good.

Don’t misunderstand. We always want to give God our best, but is our motivation pure? God wants our words, way and walk to be an example to others. It’s not about seniority, but sensitivity to His voice. A list of accolades pale beside abiding. Obedience trumps knowledge.

Many of you reading this are years younger than me. You are my example. Your enthusiasm, passion and love for the Lord is evident. Continue to model Christlikeness. Age has nothing to do with usage.

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Turnarounds

2009-12-13T12:04:00.002-05:00

“My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.” James 5:19-20

Not being an airplane traveller, as many of you know, when my family visit’s the States we always drive. Our trips to Florida provide hours and hours of fun, family fellowship. We love seeing sights that we miss living North of the border.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw a runaway truck ramp. This traffic device enables vehicles that are struggling to brake, an opportunity of escape to safely stop. They are long, steep, inclines designed to accommodate trucks. They can help avert an accident and potentially save lives. I’m thinking the church could use some “runaway ramps” to prevent peril and salvage souls.

The verse above speaks of wanderers. Fellow travellers who have strayed from the trail. They are wandering spiritually. Trials and temptations have pushed a new pace in a different direction. Meandering through emotions of guilt and pain, they turn from God and feel unaccepted in the church, where failures too often aren’t accepted and second chances aren’t given.

James encourages that they be “brought back”. The hand of God’s grace needs to be extended, not to attack but receive. Don’t show them the door, but offer to help restore. Let’s care and not condemn. Often the hurting heart longs to return, but sees no example in the church. There is an implication here that the wanderer accepts and acknowledges their sin. There isn't denial, but disclosure and desire to admit error.

Is there a wanderer you need to welcome home? Let’s be agents of restoration. Let’s never give up on restoring grace. Let’s share God’s heart for search and rescue. Let’s build escape routes and emergency exits for a weary, wounded traveller’s turnaround.

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Wisdom

2009-12-12T07:13:00.003-05:00

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

I'm doing something today I haven't done all year. It's not because I'm busy. It's not because the Lord didn't speak to me through His Word this morning. It's not because I don't have much to say. It's because God directed, and I'm being obedient.

This morning my dear sweet friend Melissa posted a writing on her blog that she wrote last year. The scripture above was foundational in her writing. I am the "another friend" quoted in Melissa's article. I think many of you know that I struggle with anxiety and experienced a year of depression. Melissa has written such a powerful, precise, purposeful, personal perspective on anxiety and depression, I believe everyone should read it. Please click on Melissa's name...and tell her Joy sent you :)

Love to you all today!

Exceeding Peace

2009-12-11T05:53:00.004-05:00

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Falling to my knees I prayed these very verses yesterday morning. I could feel my stress level rising. So much needs to be accomplished by this weekend. Deadlines loom before me. Feeling completely overwhelmed, I did the only thing I could do, I fell before the Lord and surrendered my "anything" and prayed about "everything".

Lord, my Christmas cards still aren't done.
My Christmas devotional is written, but not printed. I still need to purchase paper for that too.
Gifts for mailing need to be wrapped and packaged.
Shopping isn't finished.
Need to prepare my list for our dinner next week. Where will I find a turkey big enough?
Mom needs to go grocery shopping. Do I have time to take her?
The house needs a thorough cleaning and we have friends coming over Sunday. Help them not see my mess.
Concert at the church tomorrow. I would wait to go Sunday for the performance, but my son has two friends attending with their mom. Should I be there to meet her?
Chris writes his 3 hour music exam at 9:30. His stress has become my stress.
A Dr's appointment at 3:30 means at least 4:15, so more time lost.
Friends are calling to 'do' coffee. I want to see them, but it just adds pressure.
Lord, this time of year always fills me with hectic, hurry, health issues, hassles and haste.
Where's the harmony, hope, hallelujah and holy?

I need that peace that guards my mind and exceeds my understanding.

"Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then..."

Lord, I've been good at the 'telling', but not so faithful in the 'thanking'. Both are pre-requisites to peace. Looking back over my list above, Lord...

I thank You that over half of my Christmas cards are written.
I thank You for the idea that prompted my Christmas devotional this year and for the message shared. I thank You that my sister heard of my need and is supplying the beautiful, decorated paper for printing.
I thank You for helping me order my day yesterday so that now parcels are ready for the mail.
I thank You that 95% of my shopping is complete and for the many bargains You led me to so that I could be a good steward of the resources You've entrusted to me.
I thank You that my husband is going to look after finding the turkey.
I thank You that I still have the opportunity of ministering to my precious parents.
I thank You for my home, even when it needs cleaning.
I thank You for my son's witnessing and for his friends and their families attending the Christmas presentation tonight. Lord, prepare their hearts to believe and receive.
I thank You for the abilities You have given my son. Calm his nerves. Bring to his remembrance all he has learned as he writes his exam this morning at 9:30.
I thank You for my Dr. and for the time he gives once in his office. He is attentive and thorough. Thank You for the time You have provided in that waiting room to sit and be still and know that You are God.
I thank You for friends who want to spend time with me. When many walk with loneliness, I am so blessed.

Lord, as my focus changes, may You guard my heart and mind with Your peace. Protect me from the worry and anxiety that is my tendency and fill with Your calm. May my heartbeat slow. May my blood pressure drop. May my thoughts become captive. May I rest in You alone.

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It's Not About Me

2009-12-10T06:15:00.000-05:00

"...consider others..." Philippians 2:3

Yesterday was a day filled with prayer requests. Big requests. Demanding needs. Hurt. Pain. Loss. Confusion. Hope deferred. Heartache. Tears. Questions.

Hearing of circumstances and situations that others are currently facing gave me a fresh dose of perspective. I have recently had my eyes selfishly fixed on me, myself and I. Personal stress has blocked my view and kept me self-centered instead of ministering to others. I have been so consumed with my own anxieties that I have missed opportunities to show compassion and genuine concern to others. I have now turned the magnifying glass from my heart and I'm looking into the eyes of others. Coming along side their suffering. Shedding a tear with them. Listening. Embracing.

It took a completely selfless prayer request from a special friend to grab my attention. Father forgive me for the many times I've neglected those so dear to me and been more concerned about my own interests. Lord teach me how to reach out with Your love.

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Signed, Sealed and Delivered

2009-12-09T21:50:00.002-05:00

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13

How fitting that after two days of struggle, sin, Satan and self, the Lord speaks to my heart concerning forgiveness.

“Make allowance”. Don’t be too sensitive. Cut some slack. Lighten up. Don’t take things so personally. Many times the incident isn’t intentional.

Forgive freely. No marionette forgiveness. Remove the strings. Drop the grudge. Remember, Paul is talking to the church. These are brothers and sisters in the Lord. Yes, they can be guilty and the grievance can be real, but our response should still be grace.

Whether the incident was intentional or not, our forgiveness can be on purpose. It is a choice, not of words, but of heart. It is not excusing the behaviour or denying the hurt, but letting go of resentment. Brennan Manning writes, “Our resentments reveal that the signature of Jesus is still not written on my life.” Christ’s signature involves transformation.

Lord, mark my life with Your signature. May I be signed, sealed and delivered.

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War of the Worlds

2009-12-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:10-12

"Open war is upon you whether you would risk it or not." (Aragorn, Lord of the Rings)

I should have anticipated this assault. Scheduled to speak at a Ladies Christmas Tea this morning the evil one is trying to undermine my testimony and make me feel inadequate and unworthy. A situation was totally blown out of proportion last night. Stress levels ran high. Again I failed in my response. I feel like the very last person who should be going and sharing with these precious ladies in just a couple of hours.

Open war is upon our family...upon me. The thief has come to steal my trust, kill and sacrifice my life and destroy my spiritual progress. Demonic opposition is delivering oppression. Hell has been enraged and satanic forces are hurling their mightiest weapons. Fiery arrows of doubt, anger, unkind words, resentment and judgement are positioned and aimed, waiting to make the kill.

It's not peaceful in the invisible. A war of worlds is being fought. The evil one has a plan and an army behind the scenes and he's looking for an intentional attack moment to terrorize and torture. He knows my weakness and the battle for my life is raging with intensity.

Lord, I pray you will bind satan from further assault. Father give victory. The powers of darkness and spiritual forces of evil are wielding weapons, but they cannot stand against You. Give me strength to take up all of Your armor. Lord, "deep inside this armor this warrior is a child" and again I fall before You, drop my sword, and cry for just awhile.

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A New Attitude

2009-12-07T08:25:00.003-05:00

"...let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes." Ephesians 4:23

"I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
Know where I'm goin' and I know what He'll do
God tidied up my point of view
And gave a new attitude."

As you can see, I took a few liberties with one of the songs Patti LaBelle made famous, "New Attitude".

I'm sensing I need that shift today. I love when God speaks immediately to a situation, even if it is a lecture, with an index finger shaking and pointing directly at me.

Last week it appeared some decisions were made, without my knowing, in an area where I give support and encouragement. The decisions made will have great impact on my involvement and my time. My initial response has been to resist. I felt I was being forced to take on new responsibilities and new committments without any consideration. Although I would have likely said 'yes', you know how it is when you feel presumed upon? Suddenly something within rises in opposition. I hate it when that happens! I have been really struggling with my reaction.

"...let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes."

Lord, I need you to purge me from this internal feeling that is being expressed outwardly in a disposition of difficulty. I do not believe what has happened was intentional, nor was it to burden me. In actual fact, the motive behind the change was to protect my position and provide possibilities for future participation.

Father forgive me for my reactions. Remove the desire to justify my response. My reactions are my responsibility. Situations and other people may influence my emotions, but no one can dictate how I respond. I cannot blame the decisions handed down to me on my disposition. My attitude remains a choice. Bring it into obedience to Your will and Your Word. Help me put on Your new nature of righteousness and holiness. Replace this rebellious attitude with one of submission. Change my pattern of thinking. Give me Your new attitude.

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Chosen

2009-12-06T12:19:00.002-05:00

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 1:3-8

I sat behind her that night. She sat erect. Back straight. Head held high. Hands clasped. With each name called I saw the longing. She sat in hopeful silence. Barely breathing she waited. Yearning written all across her appearance. Her hands sometimes figeted in nervousness and anticipation. Until the last name was called. She stood with poise and refinement and left quickly. She had not received an award.

My heart ached for her. That was my High School story too. Being second or third didn't bring the accolation. "Close" or "Almost" didn't receive the medal. She wasn't chosen.

This morning reading the passage above, I remembered this young girl, feeling again her disappointment, rejection, failure. Whatever you are going through today remember that you are special to God. You are blessed, loved, chosen, adopted, favoured, redeemed and forgiven.

"Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:8

If you know Christ as your Lord and Savior, one day your name will be called and the reward you will receive will be greater than any earthly trophy. He's applauding and giving a standing ovation for you today - Well done, good and faithful servant.

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Anchor A Way

2009-12-05T09:18:00.002-05:00

“When a light wind began blowing from the south, the sailors thought they could make it. So they pulled up anchor…” “Acts 27:13

A slight change in the weather. A few calm breezes offered encouragement. Despite Paul’s warning, the owner of the ship desired to take advantage of the momentary, peaceful calm and they “pulled up anchor”.

When storms in our lives cease for periods of time, do we “pull up anchor”? Jesus is the One who holds our life, but when things are going well are we just as sensitive to His presence and as attentive to His leading? Do we start trusting ourselves because of the false sense of security provided by the “light wind” and gentle breeze? We must never pull up anchor and give way to the sea. When hardships appear, making us feel powerless, we can only survive by giving way to the Master of the storm.

Let’s not be fooled. We need that anchor of hope. We need the anchor of reality. We need the anchor of faith. Our passage on this sea of life is not without hurricane force winds. Storms are inevitable, but our response is always optional. Our faith can remain in our Anchor. Our hope in Christ, is a strong and mighty anchor for our souls. It leads us…into God’s inner sanctuary. (Hebrews 6:19)

“Any sailor will tell you that only as the storm rages do we realize the strength of the anchor.” (Charles Swindoll) Paul’s anchor was in God. He trusted Him in the storm and listened and believed His voice. “For last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me, and he said, ‘Don’t be afraid, Paul, for you will surely stand trial before Caesar! What’s more, God in his goodness has granted safety to everyone sailing with you.’ So take courage! For I believe God. It will be just as he said.” Acts 27:23-25

Did you see where God was positioned? God stands beside us today in our storms as well. Not only is He close to us, but He knows the way through uncharted waters. Paul was going to Rome. He will never lead us anywhere that He has not already planned and prepared for our sailing ashore.

Is your anchor secure? Don’t “pull up anchor”, place it firmly in Christ. Let's anchor a way by holding fast to God. Some storms seem endless, but He will see you through. Don’t take my word, take His.

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Fateful Choice of Convenience

2009-12-04T06:34:00.001-05:00

“As he reasoned with them about righteousness and self-control and the coming day of judgment, Felix became frightened. ‘Go away for now,’ he replied. ‘When it is more convenient, I’ll call for you again.’” Acts 24:25

Wanting a time that was more convenient, I kept putting it off and putting it off. Finally I had convenienced myself out of a wonderful opportunity, while waiting for the perfect moment. I lost out, and it was too late. The opportunity was gone.

Convenience. A time more suited to our comfort, purpose or need.

Do you know there is no record of Felix ever finding a future “convenient” time to receive God?

Author Denis Waitley says, “there is not such thing as a future decision. You face only present decisions that will affect what will happen in the future.”

Author Ann Mainse writes, “…putting off the most important decision of your life is indeed dangerous procrastination.”

Satan’s most effective tool is having people believe they have plenty of time. We need to choose life today. 2 Corinthians 6:2 encourages, “Today is the day of salvation.”

I’ve heard it said that the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

Waiting on convenience we miss the joy of obedience and the acceptance of repentance. Maybe it’s not convenient, but what if Christ had felt the same way as He faced the cross? My salvation came because Jesus inconvenienced Himself for me.

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Finding Spectacular in Simple

2009-12-03T05:42:00.001-05:00

“As I was on the road, approaching Damascus about noon, a very bright light from heaven suddenly shone down around me.” Acts 21:6

In my years of growing up in the church, I’ve heard some pretty amazing testimonies. Reformed drug addicts and alcoholics. Near death stories that resulted in salvation. Prodigals returning home. Paul’s transformation described here was none less spectacular. What a dramatic conversion he describes. Makes my little story seem boring and meaningless.

My testimony isn’t filled with captivating before and after illustrations. As an eight year old I hadn’t tried drugs, hadn’t left home, been a victim of abuse, surrendered to passion or committed a serious crime. Although a light from heaven didn’t surround me as it did Paul, I have come to understand something very valuable. A light did shine within me that opened the eyes of a little girl’s heart. Beth Moore writes, “Every conversion cost the same amount of Christ’s blood shed on the cross. Every conversion was worth the loss of God’s only Son to Him.”

The day I gave my heart to Jesus and asked for forgiveness of sins was very exciting. Just as many angels rejoiced. I am thankful for all God saved me from experiencing. I’m thankful for experiences missed. I’m grateful for opportunities lost. I praise God for less drama and less pain.

“You don’t have to see a bright light from heaven to have a story to tell. The determining factor is not how exciting your conversion was but how excited you are now about your conversion. The simplest testimony from a person thankful to be saved is more powerful than the most dramatic testimony from someone who has told it so methodically that it has lost its fervor.” Beth Moore

Yesterday as I practiced the message I will be sharing with a group of ladies at a Christmas Brunch this coming Tuesday, my eyes filled with tears and goose bumps covered my body as the memories of God’s goodness, forgiveness and provision flooded my heart. Oh Lord, may I never take for granted all You have done for me.

Today, if God gives opportunity, let’s share our testimonies. No one can share it better than you. The simplest of salvation stories is still spectacular.

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Model Ministry

2009-12-02T06:47:00.001-05:00

“I have been a constant example…” Acts 20:35

Looking at Paul’s life we see a man who modelled ministry. His life had tremendous influence. He led others by serving. He became a servant leader by being a leading servant. He led as he followed Christ.

He did “the Lord’s work humbly and with many tears.” (vs.19) He endured trials and never shrank back. Ministry , although often thrilling, brings tears. He was authentic and vulnerable. He wasn’t afraid to express himself and let others see his emotions. Pain challenges and breaks us. A. W. Tozer writes that it is doubtful God can ever use us greatly until he breaks us. Breaking releases God’s power and God’s vision.

Paul demonstrated tremendous courage. He was aware that jail and suffering marked his path (vs.23), but he pressed on. He didn’t hesitate to follow Jesus as close as he could. Paul taught us that God is bigger than all our fears.

Paul was faithful to his responsibilities (vs.26). He showed commitment. In a world today that gives up and gives in at the slightest indication that effort will be required, Paul was diligent. He was faithful to God’s character, His Word and to His call on his life.

Paul didn’t focus on himself, but he did give careful attention to guard himself (vs.28). We can so easily burn out in ministry and then be of no use to anyone.

Our life speaks more than our words. More than knowledge there needs to be evidence. Most of our problem is not that we don’t know the Bible, but that we don’t live it out. If only we lived out half of what we know. Paul was a model for ministry. He writes, “I have been a constant example…” (vs.35).

Asking myself, how am I modelling ministry today?

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Thorn Theology

2009-12-01T06:02:00.003-05:00

"...I was given a thorn in my flesh..." 2 Corinthians 12:7

A thorn. Unidentified, yet not a stranger to many of us. It irritates and causes pain, unwanted and often undiagnosed. I believe the reason God does not specifically define Paul's thorn, is so that we can apply this thorn theology individually. It could be physical. It could be people. It's always personal.

Where did the thorn come from? We see the immediate cause was Satan (vs.7), but the ultimate cause was God.

What to do with a thorn? Pray. Paul makes a request. He gets a response. His life replies.

Paul asked three times for the thorn to be removed. He begged the Lord to take it away. Other translations say he "implored". It was an earnest desire that came from his heart to give God glory.

The answer he receives is "no". When God says 'no', He gives us something else that is better than what we thought we needed. This 'no' ushered in more grace. "He giveth more grace when the burdens get greater." "No" is never the end of the story.

Paul accepts God's answer. God strengthened Paul as Satan tried to destroy him. Paul doesn't just endure his thorn, he embraces it. He receives it with gladness (vs.9). Paul says, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." (vs.10) The "when" moment. At the very second of weakness, God makes us strong.

Paul teaches us here that with burdens come blessings. Each hardship is especially chosen for us by God. Thorns aren't accidental. God brings us exactly what we need to bring us to a point of obedience. "I was given..." The thorn was timed and tailor-made.

Sufficient grace can only come through sufficient faith. Let's confess the sin of self-pity and bitterness and allow God to fill us with His grace. Then, after committing the 'thorn' to God, let it go. Let's change the petition prayer to one of praise, remembering that God's power works best in weakness (vs.9).

If you would like someone to pray with you about your 'thorn', if you share your need in the comments, I will join with you for God's grace to carry you as He allows and uses this burden to change you into the image of His son. Our thorns may not be the same, but our response can be, whether the thorns are removed or remain.

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The Titus Touch

2009-11-30T19:56:00.002-05:00

"...God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus." 2 Corinthians 7:6

Friends are so valuable. Titus was God's gift to Paul at the perfect time.

"...the arrival of Titus." Titus just showed up. "His presence was a joy..." vs.7

Sometimes God allows someone to just "show up" in our life as well. Just when we think we can't go another day, a phone call, a note, the doorbell and God's presence is evidenced in a personal way.

Maybe today you could give or receive the Titus touch.

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Never Ending Story

2009-11-29T06:43:00.002-05:00

"Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This 'letter' is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts." 2 Corinthians 2:2-3

It's funny the things that can get me reminiscing about the past. All of a sudden an aroma, a word, a song, a touch invades my thoughts and my mind drifts back to a memory held forever captive in my heart. That happened the other night for me.

I was watching a movie when an event depicted had me journeying back to a moment in my childhood. The Mom portrayed in this film was explaining to her adopted, illiterate daughter the joy of reading. My heart beat quicker with each adjective. I was one who lost herself in books as a child.

My parents took my sister and I to the Children's Library every Saturday and I can recall the anticipation of choosing stories that would transport me to another world. A land where I would become heroine - a girl of outstanding nobility and courage. I would travel to exotic places. Slay dragons. Capture thieves. Love and be loved.

I'd close my eyes and breathe in the scent of books. I would come home from the Library with my treasure, my arms holding hours of wonder and adventure. I would inhale each word. Let the book become a part of me. I would laugh, cry, turn pages in eager anticipation. I would read by flashlight under the covers when bedtime came too early and a tale still had to be told before this little girl could close her eyes and rest.

I've had a passion for words all my life. Watching "The Music Man" at every opportunity, I dreamed of becoming "Marion the Librarian". I wanted to surround myself with sentences, phrases, conjunctions, dotted "i's" and crossed "t's". Should a handsome man find me there, amongst the pages, as one found Marion, that would be wonderful too.

My dream became reality almost 30 years ago when my first job was working as a Library Clerk at a Children's Library. I thoroughly enjoyed each day of the twelve years I was employed there. In between doing the clerical jobs that were my responsibility, I was able to share my passion of the written word with children. Storytimes and reading clubs allowed me to remain a child myself, far past what the years would allow, opening up the hearts of children to the delight of reading.

The other day I purchased a new book - a Bible study. I lingered over the artists cover design. I opened it so carefully as if holding gold, turning each page tenderly, feasting on the truths unveiled. The Scripture passages take me down roads, into far away towns. I share in the lives of Kings and paupers. I weep with those who weep and laugh with those who laugh. I read of great joys and unbearable sorrows. I meet a baby whose birth has changed my life forever.

Then, this Author, who holds pen over my life, continues to write sentences over me. Sentences will become paragraphs. Paragraphs becoming chapters. A never-ending story that will continue for all eternity. Do the pages of my life rise as a sweet aroma to Christ? (2 Corinthians 2:15) My life is to be a letter from Christ, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on the tablet of a human heart.

Tomorrow is a blank page, a clean slate. Words wait to be written. An award winning novel, a best seller, a captivating love story between a Princess and her King. Your life is the most beautiful story being written. Surrender to His plot. Trust His conclusion. I can guarantee it will be happily every after!

(As an aside, my son's school is presenting "The Music Man" as their musical this year. My son is playing the keyboard part in the Pit Band. As I listen to him practice, the music is stirring so many memories. Can't wait to see the production in the Spring.)

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F.R.O.G.

2009-11-28T07:36:00.006-05:00

"...we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God...We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. And you are helping us by praying for us. Then many people will give thanks because God has graciously answered so many prayers for our safety." 2 Corinthians 1:9-11

My son and his "friend girl" often refer to one another as "FROG" friends. They encourage one another to Fully Rely On God.

Fully - to the greatest degree or extent; completely or entirely; in full; without lack
Rely - trust: have confidence or faith in; fully satisfied of the veracity, integrity, or ability of persons, or of the certainty of facts or of evidence; to depend

There is no 'me', 'myself' or 'I'. No place for doubt or despair. No room for worry or wasted energy. Complete and total trust, not in ourselves, but in our God.

Where do you need to trust Him? Finances? Relationship? Plans? Guidance? Health? Job? A prodigal? Anxiety? Decisions? _____________?

We can rely on God in everything. Sometimes the wait is long, but He can be trusted. "For all of God's promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding 'Yes!'". 2 Corinthians 1:20

I have a very dear friend who trusted the Lord in a journey that lasted over four years. She never lost hope. She cried many tears, but she still trusted. She never stopped looking towards the horizon and the dawning of a new day. She never stopped checking her mailbox or eagerly answering her phone. She never allowed exhaustion to detour her as she filled out more paperwork. She never stopped preparing, believing that her day would come. She celebrated with others who's dreams became certainty long before hers became reality. Twenty-five days ago her prayers became sight. On that day, her precious little daughter from China was placed in her arms.

Here are just a few pictures of the joy to come when we fully rely on God.

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A Not So Simple Song

2009-11-27T06:05:00.004-05:00

"If we live, it's to honor the Lord. And if we die, it's to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord." Romans 14:8

I have a friend, Deanna, with six children who all have been blessed with amazing musical ability. Their harmonies are absolutely gorgeous and they have recorded two CD's. They call themselves, "simplesong", the name of their title track, a song Deanna's daddy, Ross Seabrook wrote. The lyrics say:

"Come and sing a simple song of Jesus
Sing it like you never sang before
Tell it everywhere; He is alive and cares
Give no place to doubting anymore

Chorus:
If I live, praise the Lord
If I die, praise the Lord
If I live or die, my only cry
Will be Jesus in me, praise the Lord."

I can't tell you the number of times I have pulled that CD out and listened to this song when life was going well. It requires little effort to sing the lyrics loudly when the living is easy. What about when uncertainties are scattered on the path? Can my voice find volume? Is this still a "simple song"?

At times along our journey we have to come face to face with this truth. Can I say with Paul in Philippians 1:21, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain"? Although we can reason that truth in our heads, the struggle to surrender still comes. Yes, "in acceptance lieth peace".

A crossroad of decision. A resolute position taken. Ofen times through tears. Singing today a not so simple song.

Groanings to Guidance

2009-11-26T06:06:00.003-05:00

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:26-28

Not being able to sleep, I climbed out of bed, picked up my Bible and began to read. I wasn't very far into today's reading before I came to the passage above and tears began to flow. That's exactly where I am. I am weak. I don't know what God wants. I'm wordless. But, God is working.

Not knowing the undisclosed will of God, should I be praying for relief or endurance? As some of you know, I went for my yearly physical this past Thursday. I was feeling great going into the exam. During the internal something happened. I have been in much abdominal pain over the last five days. Going back to my Dr's office on Monday, he wanted me scheduled for two different ultrasounds. The receptionist called the clinic and I was scheduled for Tuesday, December 8th in the afternoon. (I'm speaking at a Ladies Christmas Tea in the morning.) Without any prompting from me, before hanging up the phone the receptionist asked if they ever have cancellations and could they call me if something came up sooner. Do you know that my cell phone was ringing as I pulled in my driveway minutes later? Could I come Thursday morning at 8:30am instead? That's today! That's God! Before we call He answers. I honestly don't know how I would have lasted another 12 days of being in this much discomfort without someone doing a further exam. (Just to clarify the word "discomfort". I have a very high pain tolerance. My appendix almost ruptured years ago because I wasn't demonstrating that I was in enough pain. So, "discomfort" to me would probably translate to severe pain for someone else.)

Although I am so thankful how God has brought today to dawn, I'm scared. If you read yesterday's post, you know the evil one has been attacking my mind with endless worry. The verses above have spoken to my heart. God's timing is perfect.

I am so thankful that the Spirit knows what I do not know, namely God's revealed will. When life is against me, God is for me. The Holy Spirit is praying and interceding on my behalf. Times of deepest perplexity are times of deepest communion. The Spirit translates my uncertainty with divine certainty, making my confusion exactly what I should pray. The will of God is being taken to the heart of God on my behalf.

God is good all the time, but everything is not good all the time, yet He is causing everything to happen according to His purpose. I do believe that nothing happens accidentally. In all things God is working out His plan. God is not working for those, but to those, on those. God cares about Christlikeness, not convenience and comfort. He is calling me to trust Him in this.

This health concern may appear to be ruining my life right now, but it is ramping up God's plans. God foreknew, pre-destined, called, justified and He will be glorified, even in this circumstance. I must walk forward today, confident in Christ. God will not allow anything to get in the way of how He is conforming me. When I pray God's will, I know He hears me, and if He hears me, He has the answers I truly long to receive. It's not knowing what to pray that is important, but that I pray. I will go from groanings to guidance.

Lord, help me not to waste nasty, unexpected circumstances. You can use them to reveal Jesus in me. Sometimes God doesn't remove a 'thorn' because we can experience the perfection of His power in us and show God off. What God allows is often challenging, but we know He loves us and He is still in control.

Take my prayers God way so that God can take my life Christ way.

(Many thoughts taken from a sermon I heard back in the summer of 2006, Pastor Rick Baker)

War of Worlds

2009-11-25T22:41:00.005-05:00

"So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." Romans 8:6

A war has waged in my mind today. A war between panic and peace. A war between sin and Spirit. Worry has caused my heart to walk a path of death today instead of life.

"Open war is upon you whether you would risk it or not." (Aragorn, Lord of the Rings)

Open war is upon me. The thief has come to steal my trust, kill and sacrifice my life and destroy my spiritual progress. Demonic opposition is delivering oppression. Hell has been enraged and satanic forces are hurling their mightiest weapons.

It's not peaceful in the invisible. A war of worlds is being fought. The evil one has a plan and an army behind the scenes and he's looking for an intentional attack moment to terrorize, torture and immobilize. He knows my weakness and the battle for my life is raging with intensity. Ground zero has been my mind.

Health concerns and medical appointments tomorrow morning have caused concern. My mind is racing to possible what if's. It hasn't helped to read today of being called to share in Christ's suffering (Romans 8:17), and encouraged to rejoice in trials (Romans 5:3).

Lord, I pray you will bind satan from further assault. Father give victory. The powers of darkness and spiritual forces of evil are wielding weapons at my mind, but they cannot stand against You.

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Faith

2009-11-24T21:50:00.002-05:00

“…Abraham’s faith did not weaken…” “Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.” Romans 4:19-21

Didn’t weaken. Never wavered. Grew stronger. Brought glory. Fully convinced. Is able.

Each of these couplets characterized Abraham’s faith. I'm jealous of such faith.

Faith that holds on. Faith that trusts an invisible hand. Faith that knows God is at work. Faith that says, I cannot change certain circumstances, but I know You are in the midst of them. Faith that sees beyond the perplexities to the promises. Faith that resists doubt and discouragement. Faith that isn’t hindered or handicapped, frustrated or fearful. Faith that accepts without understanding. Faith that takes root and grows in the soil of our soul. Faith that meets triumph and trials and treats both the same. Faith that sustains through silences, silently. Faith that stands and stays. Faith that perseveres personal loss and public misunderstanding. Faith that pivots destiny. Faith that sings at the midnight hour. Faith that hears the songs still to be written. Faith in the lot and little. Faith in the much and the more.

“Faith that believes in advance what will only make sense in reverse.” Philip Yancey

Lord, today I pray for such faith. A faith that says, through tears, I trust You even in this. Hold me. I surrender again to all Your plans for me. I want my life to bring You glory, whatever path that will walk. Not my will, but Thine be done.

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Grammar Lesson

2009-11-23T19:33:00.001-05:00

“…Paul felt compelled…” “…God has given us the privilege…” “…I am eager to come to you…” “…I am not ashamed…” Acts 19:23, Romans 1: 5,15,16

I was captivated today by some adverbs, nouns, adjectives and verbs.

Compelled. Privilege. Eager. Not ashamed.

Have I ever felt compelled to do something for Christ?

Do I view sharing what God has done for me a privilege?

Am I eager to tell others about Jesus?

Can I say I am not ashamed of the Good News?

My life needs to be so much more than words. Desiring to live in the active, not passive voice.

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Footing

2009-11-22T06:26:00.004-05:00

“…stand firm…” “be strong and immovable.” 1 Corinthians 15:1, 58

"Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand,
Then you stand"

(Rascal Flatt's "Stand")

Interesting that Paul starts and ends this chapter with a reference to our footing. Much content that has found it's way to the table of debate and discussion fills the 56 verses inbetween.

When struggles come how sure is your anchor? Sometimes storms come to see if you’re sea-worthy. A ship is sent out, not to see if it will sink, but float. Trials come, not to necessarily test our faith, but to see if we have faith. Paul gives voice to this in 1 Corinthians 15:34, “For to your shame I say that some of you don’t know God at all.”

We are being admonished here to not give in under pressure and not give up our faith. The resource for standing firm is available to us. God’s Word says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able to bear, but with the temptation will make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it.” God Himself is our Resource. He will supply the strength to stand firm and be strong and immovable.

Does anything we experience exceed the power of God? Standing firm and holding ground is most often not a physical battle, but a mental and spiritual conflict. God’s power is the same during times of crisis and times of calm. As Christ followers we know that something within us is immoveable.

Stand firm, giving loyalty to Truth.

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Random Thoughts

2009-11-21T21:08:00.003-05:00

"On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and said, 'This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.' In the same way, he took the cup of wine after supper, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant between God and his people - an agreement confirmed with my blood. Do this to remember me as often as you drink it.' For every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you are announcing the Lord's death until he comes again." 1 Corinthians 11:23-26

The Lord's supper. God is both the host and the sacrifice.

"A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other." 1 Corinthians 12:7

The gift is given for the good of the church, not necessarily the good of the individual.

The Spirit could be removed from many churches these days and nothing would be different.

Although my random thoughts tonight are scattered, slow and sleepy, their pupose is sure.

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Precept or Preference

2009-11-20T23:27:00.003-05:00

"...you sin against other believers by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong..." 1 Corinthians 8:12

This verse is powerful. To me it means that we must hold to the convictions that God has placed on our hearts, but not condemn or criticize others with contrary preferences. Yes, there are some absolute truths that cannot be negotiated, but so many of the differences believers face do not fall into the precept catagory. Most often we struggle with personal choice.

If the Lord places a conviction on my heart in one area, I must be true to the standard that God has called me to hold. If my sister in the Lord has a different view in that area, I must accept her opinion and honour her committment to the Lord. Trying to encourage anyone to go against their belief before God is wrong. We all must be obedient to the Lord's voice over our lives and not be the cause of another's stumble.

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More Than Words

2009-11-19T21:28:00.002-05:00

"For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God's power." 1 Corinthians 4:20

Talk is cheap. The words come easy. The doing is hard.

For those of us who like to write, the verbal finds voice effortlessly, but the follow through is often difficult.

How much of my walk is talk? I speak "Christianese" well. Immersed in this tongue since birth, the dialect is familiar. Well educated and well read, I have no problem filling in the blanks with the right answer, but it's the "fruit" that gives evidence my life is more than words.

The power of God is available to those who possess the presence of God. The presence of God always proceeds the power of God. God's power is the benefit of relationship. Am I practicing His presence?

One way to know if I am living by God's power is the degree I am experiencing hardship and opposition. My Pastor shared in a message a couple of years ago, if the enemy isn't attacking, probably nothing of God is going on in my life. When I'm moving on God's power, Satan attacks. He knows who is real in practicing His presence. When we are living in God's power, we become a threat to the prince of darkness.

Yesterday I passed up an opportunity to live by God's power. Lysa extended an invitation to her reader to join her on a crazy adventure of 37 days of kindness. My response came quickly. Words do that. But, I discovered something moments later. I want "comfortable kindness". I want to do something every day that's within a circle of ease. I mean, 'kind' doesn't have to be hard. I don't have to look outside the walls of my home to find loved ones who need to see acts of kindness.

Yesterday morning I read Lysa's invitation to 37 days of kindness. I agreed. I prayed for an opportunity. I shut down the computer and drove my son to school. On my return trip as I was almost home, I saw papers blowing all over the road. It was garbage day and obviously someones recycling bin was releasing it's contents. Then I saw a woman frantically trying to gather up the papers. My initial thought was, "pull over and help her", but as quickly as that thought came, so did the many others to counteract and convince me such an action was foolish. I pulled in the driveway moments later with an opportunity lost. As I walked into the kitchen to make breakfast the Lord brought the story of the "Good Samaritan" to my mind. I passed by. I reasoned kindness away. I didn't want to pick up garbage. It was cold out. We'd have never gathered all the papers because the wind was too strong. It would have messed my hair and I was going out for coffee with a friend shortly. It would have taken more courage than I possessed. I chose to live from my personality, not God's power.

I don't want comfortable kindness. I want the Lord to stretch me. I don't want my life to be good intentions and words. I want to live in God's power.

Humbled.

Baptized

2009-11-18T19:41:00.004-05:00

"As soon as they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus." Acts 19:5

Another powerful sermon was drawing to a close. An invitation was extended. An invitation not necessarily for a first step, but a next step.

I bowed my head, praying for all who would respond. Praying for those who were feeling the Spirit’s tug, yet resisting. As people near me started to stand and make their way to the altar, tears flowed unhindered. All around me, divine encounters were taking place and hearts were surrendering. Most were answering the call to follow Christ right then in the waters of baptism. As my brothers and sisters in the Lord went away to ready themselves for the next part of the service, I silently wondered what was going through my son’s mind. He had asked Jesus into his heart at a tender age, but had not as yet made a decision to be baptized. He wasn’t sitting with us that morning as he was part of the worship team. Did he want to answer the call, but feel he couldn’t leave his responsibility at the keyboard? At 15 years of age he certainly understood the symbolism and significance of baptism.

Over the next few minutes, it was thrilling to listen to so many testimonies and share in so many impromptu steps of obedience. When the service concluded my husband and I said goodbye to our son who had to stay and play for the second service. Once in the car we began to pray again for God’s Spirit to move in the following service. We prayed for our Pastor to preach with passion and for hearts to be prepared and ready to receive the message. We prayed for those who would respond, that God would give them courage.

Almost two hours later our doorbell rang. Immediately upon opening the door my eyes were drawn to the smiles on the faces before me. My older sister had given my son a ride home and their countenances declared joy unspeakable and full of glory. A wet head also gave witness to the water’s welcome and our son's surrender.

Tears and hugs. More tears and hugs. Prayers of praise and thankfulness.

That evening, back at church, several people approached my husband and I after the service, wondering our reaction to not being there to see our son baptized. In all honesty I can say that the delight in knowing he had taken this step of obedience on his own, far surpassed any longing to have been eye-witnesses. We were so thankful that the fact we weren’t present didn’t restrain our son from responding to the Holy Spirit’s hand on his life and God’s call. As soon as he heard, he was baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.

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"No"

2009-11-17T07:10:00.003-05:00

"They asked him to stay longer, but he declined." Acts 18:20

Everything is going well. Paul loved the people of Ephesus. The door was open for further ministry. Yet Paul declined their invitation to remain. His life was surrendered to the leadership of the Holy Spirit. The driving force behind his response was not his own desires or rationalizations. Although he may have longed to remain, he surrendered to the Lord’s leading.

Do you have a difficult time saying ‘no’ when a request is presented? Children don't struggle with this word at all. My twin sister and I are exact opposites when it comes to responding to these inquiries. She is quick to say ‘yes’. I’m quick to say ‘no’. Neither is correct. So often the longing to please people, or please self, takes preference over God’s priorities.

One thing I have learned over the last few years is that just because a need exists, doesn’t mean God has called me to fill that need.

When a request seems honourable and good, we assume God wants us to step in and say ‘yes’, but have we even spent time seeking His will in the matter? What about when we’re presented with a great opportunity? We still must be convinced the open door is meant for us. We must continue to seek God’s heart and trust Him when circumstances seem to be guiding us in new directions and things appear to be a perfect fit. Our ‘yes’, or ‘no’, must be God’s answer.

We’re going to see in tomorrows reading that God had already planned who would fill the ministry position that Paul’s vacancy opened. God had His next chosen person in place. May this serve as a warning for us not to respond too quickly just because a need presents itself. If the Lord is prompting our spirit and we know we must answer the call, then do so with God’s blessing. But, if we have any hesitation, let’s be careful to be in prayer, listening for God’s confirmation, before we take a position that God designed specifically for another. If it's in obedience to God, don't be afraid to say 'no'.

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Size Small

2009-11-16T21:26:00.002-05:00

“Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.” 1 Thessalonians 2:4

It began with excitement. A pure gesture of love. A kind act of friendship to express shared happiness from the heart.

Then a phone call. Words exchanged. Suddenly it felt like the gift being given was part of a competition for acceptance and affection. What was originally intended as a beautiful offering became a contest. I was a player without my knowing and without my consent.

Suddenly my motive changed. Something within me responded. Responded negatively. Insecurity surfaced. I had choices before me. I could follow a couple of paths. My decision would send a message, but now my motives were so wrong. Irritated I became impulsive. Fuelled by confusion, anger, fear and frustration, I had this longing now to “win”. Win a game I didn’t even want to play. Feelings of conniving, manipulation and retaliation surfaced. What had been precious and special was reduced to rivalry. I needed bigger and better.

Fighting envy I tried to back off and walk away, not wanting to be involved in this game, only to find myself a pawn met with a counter-attack and a voice crying, “Queen me”.

Lord, any move I make right now is being interpreted incorrectly. Every word, every action is being judged and analyzed. How did something so lovely turn so ugly? Lord, in my hurt, put a guard on my tongue. Keep me from saying things, that although truthful, arise from a root of revenge. Diffuse the bomb waiting to explode and help me not to waste any more time or energy on this matter. Protect me from overreacting and looking to gather team-mates for my side. May I not fixate on faults, but give grace. Help me not to respond by my mood, but with my mind. Bring every thought captive and bind the evil one from profoundly and destructively influencing my thoughts. May I not be trapped in mental torment and forfeit joy for futile speculations.

“You can tell how big a (woman) really is by the size of the problem it takes to infuriate (her).”

Today I’m feeing pretty small.

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Blessed Interruption

2009-11-15T05:00:00.000-05:00

"What must I do to be saved". Acts 16: 30b

It was very early in the morning. My husband had just left for work and I was sitting on the bed, Bible open before me, journal resting on my lap, pen in my hand.

Suddenly the scamper of little feet drew my attention away from the peaceful shroud of silence. I must admit to momentary feelings of frustration as I realized my coveted time in His presence was about to end. Looking towards our bedroom door, the sweetest, little cherub appeared and entered our room. At three years of age it was still a challenge to crawl up on our big bed, but he managed it without too much difficulty, as one accustomed to this daily routine.

Before I could even say 'Good morning' or draw him into my arms for a cuddle and embrace, he looked up at me quite seriously and asked, "Mommy, how do I ask Jesus into my heart?"

So many thoughts instantly and simultaneously invaded my mind. 'Where did that come from?' 'Did he have a dream that provoked this question?' 'Was there a Sunday School lesson that had preceded his inquiry?' 'Oh my goodness Lord, he wants to ask You into his heart. He's only three years old'. 'Father, help me explain salvation in a way he can understand'.

With God guiding me, and my precious little boy beside me, we bowed our heads and prayed a simple prayer of confession and invitation. I will never forget that moment.

That was just over fourteen years ago. He was 'Christopher' then, but he's 'Chris' now. His spiritual birthday is a highlight each year, complete with a special dinner, birthday cake and a small gift of remembrance. Sincerely the scripture is true - there is no greater joy than to know that our children walk with God.

As the verse above has caused me to ponder those memories today, my thoughts are captured with several wonders.

I wonder...what if I had asked my son to come back later, after I finished my 'quiet time'. Would his desire have waned? Would I have missed that priceless opportunity of witnessing God tugging at a child's heart? What if I had sent him away, not wanting to be interrupted? How often in our quest for holiness do we miss the holy?

Christ's life was not without interruption. On many occasions He was detained or presumed upon by those who were unafraid to approach Him. Those with whom His spirit found entrance and they responded. Their need was greater than their trembling and their nerve stronger than their trepidation.

There was the woman who washed the feet of Jesus with her hair, pausing a meal to feed and nourish her soul. There was the man who was lowered down through the roof, disturbing a sermon for the sake of a message in healing. A woman who reached out believing a touch of the hem of Christ's garment would see faith honoured and rewarded. A father's earnest request on the roadside for his dying daughter that paved the way for resurrection. The adulterous, unharmed by stones, forgiven at the feet of the Solid Rock.

Interruptions. Some are demanding. Some a delight. All are divine. Some I receive, others I initiate. All fall under God's control. He is not caught unaware or surprised. Each phone call, each knock on the door, each diagnosis, each invitation, each casual encounter orchestrated by a God who views interruptions as intentional opportunities to grow in Him and share His love.

Rejoicing today that a blessed interruption changed a life for eternity.

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Burden Bearers

2009-11-14T07:28:00.001-05:00

“Share each other’s burdens…” Galatians 6:2

I know of someone currently who is carrying a very heavy burden. In silence. It is crushing and concerning. Yet, at the same time, when support is needed, they have chosen to withdraw into seclusion. Shame. Embarrassment. Pain. Confusion. Heartache. Pride. Why is it we so often feel we can’t turn to the church for our bandages?

“Restore him gently”, Galatians 6:1. Don’t rejoice and reveal the circumstance to everyone. Don’t ridicule and reject. Restore. The truest test of being a Spirit led Christ-follower is the readiness to restore the wounded. Restore is a word used to describe the work of a surgeon. Reduce pain. Promote healing and rehabilitation. It’s a word of grace, hope and health. Whether the wound has been self-inflicted, or they are carrying scars caused by another, the pain is severe. Often waking up each day is their greatest accomplishment. Beth Moore writes, "Sometimes life is so atrocious that surviving is its own great achievement and a strange proof of sorts that God must exist." Have you ever considered surviving in itself a crowning achievement? Maybe some of you reading this right now are all too familiar with this concept. Maybe you are hanging on by a thread, but at least you're hanging on. You have been dealt a bitter blow - one not expected, that hit you on the blind side. Maybe your loss has been great. Possibly you are walking a living death. A phone call. A letter. A financial setback. A betrayal. A prodigal. A separation. A health concern. Life can change in an instant.

God said, “I will rebuild it’s ruins and restore it…” Acts 15:16. We are those “ruins”. We are Christ’s building project. He rebuilds ruined lives.

Let’s remember we all have the same potential to fail or face difficult situations. He who thinks he stands, beware lest he fall. Wounded soldiers need help. Bearing another’s burden means standing with them in the mess. Let’s join our friends in the trenches. Let’s provide the safety they need of a listening ear and a silent tongue.

And, dear one who is weary in the walk, you don’t have to bear this alone. Allow the family opportunity of ministering to you.

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Encouragement

2009-11-13T10:56:00.004-05:00

"They encouraged them to continue in the faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God." Acts 14:22

Encourage. To infuse with courage. To inspire with confidence and give hope. To support.

One of the best ways to do this is to share a word of blessing from God's Word.

If you feel led today, would you visit my friend Kathy's blog. Her newly married daughter and her husband are feeling the winds of winter in their lives. I know it would breathe fresh strength into their hearts as they are trusting in Him.

"(Sisters), if you have any word of encouragement for the people, come and give it." Acts 13:15

The Great Paradox

2009-11-12T11:01:00.002-05:00

"When they finally opened the door and saw him, they were amazed." Acts 12:16

Ah yes, the emotional paradox of believing and doubting in prayer. The church was praying for Peter's release, yet were amazed when the answer came. The doubting in this passage is not that God can, but God will. I love the truth that nothing weak in me can weaken God. My doubt that God may answer my request doesn't change God's answer. God can handle my doubt. No power can hold what God wants to release.

In Acts 12:7 it says, "the chains fell off his wrists." Peter was in prison up until the night before his trial (vs.6), but Peter wasn't really held there by Herod, but by God. There was a purpose for the "night before" intervention. God likes to take us to the edge. He's teaching us to keep praying in the face of heavens silence. The fact that Peter was SLEEPING!!! (vs.6) clearly shows Peter's trust and peace in the Lord, but what about those praying? We can't quit too soon, thinking nothing can be done now, it's the last hour. God is encouraging us to pray until the last night...the last moment.

Praying trains us in dependency, right to the edge, and that's where God wants us, with no other help or explaination in sight.

"Now I know without a doubt that the Lord...rescued me..." (vs 11 NIV).

Another verse I read this morning dealt with this too. "Looking straight at him, Paul realized he had faith to be healed." (Acts 14:9) Not only did this crippled man believe God could, but He would. Beautiful example of trust in God. Wonder what God sees when He looks straight at me and sees my faith?

James 1:6 says, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." The word 'doubt' in this passage is doubting that God can. I have to believe that nothing is impossible with God, and pray believing, yet leave the answer to Him. If God doesn't answer the way I prayed, it is never because He can't, but because He has a different purpose. Praying doesn't guarantee my will, but when I pray, the cause of God will go forward. It's when I get to the point of not wanting more to move God with my prayer, but be satisfied in reaching God and resting in His results, that my prayer becomes an act of faith.

I also just want to mention a couple of other verses quickly.

"...if you have any word of encouragement for the people, come and give it." Acts 13:15 What a blessing that verse is to me, as I was just asked to speak at a Christmas Ladies event. The Lord graciously put my speaking "on hold" over the last 8 months in caring for dad, and the timing of this invitation couldn't be better. This confirmation this morning is such a blessing.

Finally..."We are merely human beings - just like you!" (Acts 14:15) How easy it is to get caught up in following the man and not the message and the Messiah. I have to remember those who speak and teach well and get right to my heart, are just delivering God's Word, not the Deliverer. It's the Holy Spirit probing my heart, not the person speaking, writing etc... A good reminder to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and follow Him alone.

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Against All Odds

2009-11-11T07:18:00.002-05:00

"But while Peter was in prison, the church prayed very earnestly for him." Acts 12:5

It didn't look good. From all appearances the situation appeared hopeless. The odds were against him. But God.

The church is praying against all odds. Prayer is an act of faith when all we see are prison walls. It's not so much to move God, but reach God and then rest on His results.

Situations seem impossible. Bars barricade, but can't ban prayers from passing through. Don't give up. Keep praying. Don't allow appearance to assume answer. God is able. Continue until you are released, either from the prison or from the prayer.

Today I am remembering in prayer those courageous men and women who have given their life for my freedom, as well as those who currently serve in active duty. I'm humbled by the sacrifice you have made. Thank you seems like such a small word.

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Chosen

2009-11-10T15:55:00.003-05:00

"Saul is my chosen instrument..." Acts 9:15

Ironic how God would take me from "Overlooked" yesterday to "Chosen" today. I'm starting to think that sometimes being overlooked is OK.

Longing to be chosen.

Wanting to hear my name, I stood waiting. I knew I wouldn't be in the first "draft pick" as the captains requested players for their teams. Not being athletic at all, I hated spring, gym class and baseball practice. By default, not decision, one poor captain would finally, reluctantly resign to calling my name. It was always said with such defeat, assuming that whichever team had me, had the loss. How I longed to be chosen.

Don't we all wave our hands, yelling "pick me, pick me" when some glorious opportunity presents itself? But, do we always want to be chosen?

Just today I've received messages from two moms. Both were chosen. One to walk a path of happiness, the other a path of heartache. One to walk a road of miracles, the other a road of mourning. One was chosen for a path of healing, the other heaven. One son returned. One son taken.

I'm not saying the choice of heaven isn't wonderful, but it is hard for those left behind. I'm sure this mom is asking, "Lord, why did You choose me for this? I didn't want to be chosen. I don't want to play this game. The weight of the 'bat' is too heavy and the 'ball' came too fast and unexpectedly. I'm running 'bases' right now, trying to hang on until the final inning, but I just want to be declared 'out' so I can go sit on the bench and have a good cry. My life has received a 'foul'. I'm jealous of the other mom who got her 'strike' and everyone is cheering and high-fiving. Why isn't that me? I want it to be me. Why was I chosen for the 'strike out'? Why?"

Beth Moore says that if God should choose us, or call us to a death that demands courage, then somehow death itself must be a great part of our destiny story. I believe that is true, both for those taken, and those who remain behind.

Will I surrender to whatever God may chose for me? Is my hand still waving in the air as I jump up and down repeating, "Lord, whatever You have for me, pick me, pick me."

Today I read, "Saul is my chosen instrument." For what was he chosen? Saul was not seeking salvation, yet he was chosen to receive God's free gift. No one can be saved apart from an act of God. No one is too far gone to be outside of God's saving reach. Saul was God's vessel of choice to go from destructive to instrumental. From self-promoter to God-presenter. From causing suffering to bearing suffering. Saul didn't decide for Christ, Christ decided for Saul. How encouraging this is for me as I have family and friends, who like Saul, want nothing to do with Jesus. Like Peter told Simon, God's gift cannot be bought. Salvation is a gift, not a commodity. It's about life-change, not life-insurance.

What path has God currently chosen for you?

Fill your name in the blank. "___________" is my chosen instrument.

Play on.

Overlooked

2009-11-09T06:16:00.004-05:00

"...their widows were being overlooked..." Acts 6:1

Do you ever feel overlooked, passed by, neglected, ignored, forgotten?

This morning, a post I read almost two years ago now is reminding me of truth. Many times I have held on to this sentence shared, embracing it through tears of disappointment. It has brought healing and hope when hurt threatened to harden my heart and leave me in despair.

"Overlooked by everyone else. Handpicked by God." Lysa TerKeurst

Just four days ago, Lysa wrote another post entitled, "Chosen", echoing a similar message. God not only sees me, but has selected me. I am an object of design not default. I'm not the last alternative, but the apple of His eye.

Today, I am not overlooked. El Roi, the God who sees, has His eye on me. I can't ever allow feelings or circumstances to tell me otherwise. God's eyesight, unlike mine, has not grown dimmer with the passing time. He knows everything I will face today and all my tomorrow's. He has experienced the loneliness of isolation and the feeling of being forsaken. Although these emotions cannot be denied at times, I can deny their authority over me, for I have been chosen by the King of Kings.

"Overlooked by everyone else. Handpicked by God."

Deliberately, individually touched by the hand of God.

Transformed

2009-11-08T12:12:00.005-05:00

"But Peter...replied,...'We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard.'" Acts 4:20

My heart is overflowing with blessing this morning. I'll be honest. Some days I open my Bible and I miss God's Word to me. I don't know what I'll share here. Other days, like today, I don't know what to share here, but it's because I have so much I want to share. So I'll give some quick highlights then zoom in on one thing that totally thrilled me.

"...he asked them for some money." Acts 3:3 Sometimes we don't know what to ask. The lame man didn't ask for healing, but money. The Lord gave him, not what he asked for, but what he needed. Often we can't identify our deepest need. I'm so thankful that God knows and He will supply.

"...why stare at us..." Acts 3:12 It's not about us. Gaze at Jesus. It's not about our strategies, our faithfulness, our giftedness. It's about God glorifying Christ. Look past the saved sinner to the Savior.

"Now repent...turn...Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord." Acts 3:19-20. There is a prerequisite for refreshment. Now...then. One comes before the other. There is a reason we are dry.

"There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12 It's about an exclusive Savior and the power of an exclusive Name. Jesus is the only Way.

"...they were ordinary men with no special training in the Scriptures." Acts 4:13. That just gives me such hope. I am an ordinary woman. I have no special training, but God can fill me with a holy boldness to speak, write and share His message.

"...the healing of a man who had been lame for more than forty years." Acts 4:22 Forty years. That's a long time. It was all the beggar's life. What has crippled me all my life? Jesus has the power to heal.

"When they heard the report, all the believers lifted their voices together in prayer to God..." Acts 4:24 Just wondering. How quick am I to pray? When they heard, they prayed.

"...everything they did was determined beforehand according to your will." Acts 4:28 Lord, thank You for this assurance. All my days were ordained for me before one of them came to be.

"...'give us, your servants, great boldness.' After this prayer, the meeting place shook, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit. Then they preached the word of God with boldness." Acts 4:29, 31 Lord, shake my life. Don't make it easier for us, but give us boldness.

"He brought part of the money to the apostles, claiming it was the full amount...'you kept...the money was also yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren't lying to us but to God!' As soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died." Acts 5:2-5 "You kept" seems to imply that some sort of promise had been made to God concerning these funds. Oswald Chambers writes, "If it is always discreet, always wise, always sensible, always calculating, never carried beyond itself, it is not love at all." Have I ever done something lavish? Something impulsive? Where or what do I hold back something that I promised to God? Am I at risk of disciplinary exposure? God will expose sin either now or later.

My Pastor shared a story just last week of a married couple, living in two separate countries. The wife is earning unbelievably good money and they could live easily on the wealth supplied. Why have they chosen to live apart? The husband runs a Bible school, and his wife's income supplies the complete tuition for all the students to attend free of charge. They are giving sacrificially and lavishly.

"'We must obey God rather than any human authority." "We are witnesses of these things and so is the Holy Spirit, who is given by God to those who obey him." Acts 5:29,32 Here I couldn't help but notice that obedience is connected with Spirit filling.

"If they are planning and doing these things merely on their own, it will soon be overthrown. but if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!" Acts 5:38-39 Don't oppose a movement of God, even if we think it has some flaw. Time will tell the motivation and motivator of the movement.

"The apostles left the high council rejoicing that God had counted them worthy to suffer disgrace for the name of Jesus." Acts 5:41 Grab the joy despite what tries to grab your emotions, so that others believe it is worth it. God is worth it.

Now for what gripped my heart the deepest this morning. Reflect back on my key verse at the very top. "But Peter...replied,...'We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard.'"

What happened to Peter? In my reading today, his name was prominent.

Peter went (Acts 3:1)
Peter said (Acts 3:4)
Peter took (Acts 3:7)
Peter saw (Acts 3:12)
Peter taught (Acts 4:2)
Peter filled (Acts 4:8)
Peter replied (Acts 4:19)
Peter returned (Acts 4:23)
Peter asked (Acts 5:8)
Peter's shadow (Acts 5:15)
But Peter (Acts 5:29)
Peter's boldness (Acts 4:13)

From cowering to courageous. The man who denied, now determined and deliberate. The dabbler turned disciple. From hiding in the shadow to people seeking to stand in his shadow (Acts 5:25). From impetuous to intentional. What happened?

Powerful experience. Personal encounter. Pardon enjoyed.

No longer could he contain what Christ had done. When God's power shows up His passion is released. How has His power changed you? Passionately share with someone today.

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Casting My Lot

2009-11-07T13:13:00.005-05:00

"O Lord, you know every heart. Show us which of these men you have chosen..." Acts 1:23

Lord, just yesterday You heard a similar prayer from my lips. Needing to make two decisions, I was imploring You for guidance. How I hate the thought of moving contrary to Your will for me. I think the struggle comes when neither option is wrong or bad, but only one is Your desire. Father, see my searching, seeking heart. Know my longing to be in the center of Your will alone. With the information before me and a "multitude of counselors", (Proverbs 11:14), a choice must be made. Father, guide me I pray. If I somehow miss hearing Your voice correctly, please remember my burning desire to be obedient and forgive my waywardness. Would You close any door that would take me down a path You haven't planned for me. Again I am reminded that my job is to trust and Your job is to show the way. Lord, give me the assurance that You're walking ahead of me and purposefully leading. You "have chosen" and I wait to be shown. Father, I'm praying for Your heart, for Your glory. I am casting my lot. Throwing out my all. Waiting for Your will to be revealed.

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Emmaus Encounter

2009-11-06T11:47:00.000-05:00

“Didn’t our hearts burn within us as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?” Luke 24:32

This morning I am a child of the burning heart. So many truths have been opened, I cannot share just one. I have walked my own Emmaus road. Emmaus. The place where Jesus meets us. A place of recognition. A place of personal encounter.

As the two disciples walked the road they met a stranger with whom they shared all they knew about Jesus. How quick am I to share Jesus with those I come in contact with each day? Christ went from stranger to Savoir as they walked and talked and He could for those we meet as well, if only we would tell of all He has done for us.

“That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid…” (John 20:19) Locked doors don’t deter or detour Jesus. Christ holds the Master key. What doors do I have locked? God comes through locked doors.

On the other side of the door Christ addresses unbelieving Thomas’s doubts. Christ will address whatever question we have. The honest seeker who wants to believe and asks God to show Himself, God will respond.

“Later, Jesus appeared again to the disciples beside the sea of Galilee.” (John 21:1) The fact that Jesus shows up in our life has to make a difference.

Simon Peter goes fishing. It’s his distraction. An escape from the pain. What is my ‘fishing’ or my diversion when life brings the weight of failure? No matter where we sail off to, Jesus waits patiently for us. “At dawn Jesus was standing on the beach…” (John 21:4) He’ll be there when we return. Waiting.

“He called out, ‘Fellows, have you caught any fish?’

‘No,’ they replied.”

This is the first miracle at the shore. They caught nothing. Not even one small minnow. Empty nets. Vain attempts without Christ. Our best efforts are futile apart from God. We can do everything right and not see results. “Apart from God we can do nothing.”

When the disciples arrived on shore they found breakfast prepared - “fish cooking over a charcoal fire…” (John 21:9) The only other time a charcoal fire is mentioned in all of Scripture was when Peter was sitting at a charcoal fire and denied Christ. Imagine the memories the aroma of these flames burned in his heart. I’m sure we all have similar ‘fires’ that ignite and illuminate recollections, pleasant and pungent. Christ helps us gently bring to mind memories that need to heal from the ashes of our flames.

Three times Jesus now asks Peter, “…do you love me?” Three times. One for each denial. After each time Peter responds, Christ says, “Then feed my sheep” (John 21:15, 16, 17). Jesus is confirming that although Peter faced failure, he is still the right man for the job.

Concluding today’s reading was the great commission, “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 28:19 The great commission, bookend by Christ’s power (vs.18) and Christ’s presence (vs.20).

As Luke writes in Luke 24:45, “Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures.” Father, thank You for opening my mind this morning.

“But these are written so that you may continue to believe.” John 20:31 Jesus is saying, don’t just see an empty tomb. Don’t stop at the abandoned grave clothes. Continue on to believe in Me.

This morning I’ve had eyes to look past the empty tomb, as I’ve had an Emmaus encounter.

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Still Moving Stones

2009-11-05T07:35:00.000-05:00

"Early on Sunday, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found the stone had been rolled away from the entrance." John 20:1

The stone was rolled away.

Lord, there are places in my life where a stone needs to roll. Held captive and imprisoned by a stone too big and too heavy and I don't have the strength to remove it on my own.

Where there is fear, roll away the stone to bring freedom. Where I am bound by grave clothes of despair, unwrap Your joy. Where wounds still scar, bring healing. Where insecurity shackles, unlock confidence. Where desire has died, resurrect hope. Where pride controls, cover me with humility.

Thank You Lord that You still move stones.

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A Broken Heart

2009-11-04T05:00:00.000-05:00

"One of the soldiers, however, pierced his side with a spear, and immediately blood and water flowed out." John 19:34

Carrying His cross, Christ arrived at Golgotha. “King of the Jews” read the sign. King of the Jews? Oh no Lord, You are so much more. King of everything. King of all my thoughts and every desire. “King of my life I crown Thee now.”

Yet, You were royally mocked by priests, teachers, elders and criminals. Still You implored forgiveness for Your accusers. “Father, forgive them…” Words that must have pierced the soldiers just as forcefully as the nails they used to pierce You. Not only did You forgive, but You spoke a word in their defence, saying, “they don’t know what they are doing.”

A scoffing criminal taunts, “So you’re the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself - and us, too, while you’re at it!” Oh, if only You could. It was impossible to do both. You could save Yourself or us. Both was not an option. In selflessness You chose us and courageously remained on the cross. A cross that required abandonment as Your Father turned His face away. You were abandoned so that I would never have to experience such deep separation.

As a final act of scriptures fulfillment, one of the soldiers thrust a spear through Your side and immediately blood and water flowed out. Blood was expected. The flow of water was surprising. Some explain the water came from the rupture of the pericardium, a sac around the heart. It was not the crucifixion that claimed Your life. It was love. You died of a broken heart.

I know that was not the last time Your heart broke. Today, right this moment, is it breaking again? Wounded by those who still mock, reject, accuse and refuse. Father, forgive me for all the times I have been the one to break Your heart. Forgive me Lord. I have no excuse. I know what I am doing.

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Lesser Things

2009-11-03T05:36:00.001-05:00

"His accusers didn't go inside because it would defile them, and they wouldn't be allowed to celebrate the Passover." John 18:28

I feel like responding with a great big "Ahhhhhhhhh". Poor them. Fear of being defiled kept them worshipping Jewish law, while harbouring murder in their hearts. They were so concerned with ceremony, they were missing the significance. Satisfied with the mundane while bypassing the magnificient. Didn't want to miss the Passover, while crucifying the Passover Lamb.

C.S.Lewis writes, "Satisfied with mud puddles, when you could have had a day at the oceans."

So ironic. Yet we go there too. We can be so caught up in programs and plans, ritual and religion, we miss personal relationship.

Father, may I not be satisfied with lesser things. May the 'doing' leave me empty so the 'being' can fill my hungry soul. Lord, more than anything, I want You.

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Following Afar

2009-11-02T20:54:00.003-05:00

"Meanwhile, Peter followed him at a distance..." Mark 14:54.

Following at a distance. Following, but far. I just feel like I'm there today. A distant disciple.

It's not geographical position that necessarily speaks of distance. I have a friend in China today who's baby girl was just placed in her arms. My friend and I are oceans apart, but my thoughts couldn't be closer as I'm rejoicing in all that God has done for her. Maps may mark our location, but not our connectedness.

The same is true with God. I may appear to be close...attending church, leading Bible study, reading His Word daily etc... Look at Peter, he did eventually end up in the courtyard. Physically he was fairly close to Christ's presence, yet his denial speaks of his hearts true posture. Lord, I don't want to be content with the "courtyard". I want to be holding Your hand...all the way. Holding Your hand is more than touch...it's obedience.

Those following close walk on water...board airplanes...sit in front rows...respond to the Spirit's prompting...risk...

Mark 6:6 talks about hearts that are far from God.

I feel like I'm standing on the edge. A decision must be made. I'm living on the border of all God desires for me, when He's already given the "Promised Land". Peter had no trouble jumping into the water when emotions ran high, but it's in the daily moment-by moment dry ground we see how close we are truly following. I long to be walking so closely that I'm covered in the dust from His sandals. Dust that covers all of me with His grace as I live a life of faith...my heart bowed in surrender along with my knees.

Praying for the faith and the courage to take that step into His more.

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Slap In The Face

2009-11-01T12:04:00.003-05:00

"Then one of the Temple guards standing nearby slapped Jesus across the face." John 18:22

Did you see it?

"The first hand to strike the Savior was a religious hand." Ken Gire

Summoned, and now standing before the high priest, Christ is questioned concerning His teaching. His identity opposed by priests and temple officials. Men who were familiar with the Scriptures, but unfamiliar with the Savior. They knew the truth, but missed the One who was the Truth.

How often have I failed to see Jesus? Failed to hear Him speak to me in His Word? Have I raised a hand against Him by my actions or words? Touch is not the only way to slap a face. Ignoring His voice. Disobedience. Insult. Neglect. Pride. Each of these cause greater pain and leave a sting.

There in religious chambers, behind sacred walls, hostility raged.

Today as we enter holy halls of worship, lets honour Him with a tender touch. How could your hand reach his heart with love? Would it be through a step of faith? An act of surrender? A humble confession? Forgiveness sought or received? May the actions of the Temple guard act as a slap in our face to get our attention and awaken us to the ways we are mistreating our Savior.

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Joy Unspeakable

2009-10-31T07:46:00.006-04:00

ADDITIONAL PICS ADDED BELOW..SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2009

"You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy." John 16:20

Oh friends, today is a day of wonderful joy. Dad is coming home after 8 months in the hospital. We pick him up this morning at 10AM and my sister is hosting a big turkey dinner tonight in celebration. I know I'll have many more pictures to share later today, but for now, I'll share our journey to bringing Daddy home. Thank you for standing by my side and praying me through countless days. Wish you could all join us tonight as we praise the Lord for all He has done. To God be the glory!

(I wish I knew how to put a song of my choice along with the pictures. I have provided a link to the song I wanted to accompany the slide show, but I'm afraid you'll have to listen to it separately. Sorry. Computer savvy I'm not.)

Make a Smilebox slideshow

ADDITIONAL PICS FOR NO EXTRA CHARGE!!! :)

Arriving at the hospital to pick up Dad.
Loading up the car.
One very happy Dad!
Aren't they cute!!!
First stop...Tim Horton's!
A lovely lunch at "Remember When" Tea Room in Brooklin.
Dad and I waiting for our scones and tea.
Outside the Tea Room.
Does this look familiar? My friend Carol decorated my garage door in a similar way when I returned from "She Speaks" last summer.
Daniel (my sister Japhia's son), Dad, Mom, Japhia, Sharon (sister).
Daniel, Dad, Mom....me.
Me, Dad, Japhia. It was soooo windy out!!!
Sharon checking out all of Dad's meds.
Preparing to cut off Dad's hospital bracelet that he has worn for 8 months. He looks nervous. Do you see the size of those scissors?
1...2...3...cut!!! As my sister Japhia said, Dad's identity was not in his hospital bracelet, but in the faithfulness of God.
Welcome Home Pa!! (Do you see the two faces peeking through the doors? Two grandsons!)
Smiles everywhere! Together again at last. We celebrated with a big turkey dinner. A belated Thanksgiving.
Ah....I can still feel that hug. Welcome home Dad...welcome home.

Home

2009-10-30T05:00:00.001-04:00

“‘Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home.’” John 14:1-2

Home. Ken Gire writes “Of all the images used to describe heaven - Paradise, a Kingdom, the Celestial City - none is so compelling an image as home.”

What memories do thoughts of home stir in you? Is it the feel of hardwood under your feet? What about the aroma of cookies coming out of the oven upon your arrival home from school? The sound of the lawn mower and the smell of freshly cut grass. Sunday afternoon solitude before extended family arrived for the evening meal. The sound of the kettle boiling. Hearing the laughter of neighbourhood children finishing a game of “Hide and Seek” before darkness summoned them away. New pyjama’s received during a time of illness. Gifts given for no occasion. Hands held for Family Worship every evening. Wallpaper. Area rugs. Game nights. Weekend cartoons. Music. Love.

I have no memories of my Father’s house, only imaginings. Rooms. Gold. No illness. Free of pain and fear. No war, pollution, death, disease, sorrow or tears. My best thoughts are still lacking. Uncertain of what awaits me there, I know who will meet me there.

Thank You Lord for preparing a place for me. Help me to remember that I am not home yet. In heaven my restless heart will find its rest.

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